Do you find yourself angry with your kids a lot? Angry they are late for curfew?... Angry they won't clean their rooms?... Angry they won't take "no" for an answer?... Angry they don't seem to understand where you're coming from?... Angry they won't pick up after themselves?... Angry, angry, angry...!
Say this out loud to yourself -- "My anger toward my children is simply a reflection of my poor parenting."
Now, before you get angry with me...(!)... Let me tell you, the moment I had this epiphany, it changed my relationship with my kids forever. Yes, I used this on myself and with great success! Too often, we older humans (adults) think our anger is what will change our child's behaviors -- if we are just stern enough... or serious enough... or, if that doesn't work; if we just beg and plead our case enough -- our child will understand, respond and discontinue his inappropriate behavior. Actually, most often, we just don't take the time to even think through what we're doing. We simply respond from habit -- a huge part of the problem. What is wrong with us parents that we don't place the highest priority on our relationships with our children??? How many songs have been sung, tears have been shed, and lives utterly destroyed because a parent did not embrace his most important role in life?...
Anger does not work; consequences do. Think for a moment: Who is allowing your child to misbehave? Who is allowing your child to respond inappropriately when told what to do? Who is allowing your child to come in late?...leave his trash scattered on the floor?...talk back to his parent?...(insert what peeves you the most here)... Replace the word "allowing" with the word "enabling" -- same thing. You are allowing bad behaviors; therefore, you are enabling those bad behaviors. Take it to its ultimate end -- you are actually teaching your child to act in ways which make you angry! Crazy, huh?! Why would you punish yourself like that?!?!
Try this... Next time you give your child instruction to clean his room, tell him if he doesn't do it in an allotted amount of time, he will lose television privileges for that night. If he is a teenager, he will lose his ipod (or cell phone...or computer privileges...or whatever will be most effective) for that night -- not for a week or a month (punishment must fit crime), but for a night. And, do not be angry while saying it!! And, do not get angry if he doesn't do it -- simply apply the consequence.
If you want to have a long, healthy, happy relationship with your children, learn to discipline the right way -- without anger, with consequences which fit the disobedience, and of course, with lots of hugs and kisses and positive statements! Your child loves you and wants you to be pleased with him, so just accept the blame right now for his bad behavior by realizing it is a result of your bad behavior, and start fixing it today!! If you will be consistent, you will be absolutely amazed with the results...
c2009 Lorenda Houston
