We all have painful memories...and memories are a very personal thing. In a family unit, for instance, one sibling will remember different things than another. Or, if a memory is shared, it will be remembered in a different way based on the personality of each sibling involved. Events of the past are recalled at family gatherings and everyone begins to argue, never considering that each person has valid points because of how they personally experienced the events. A lot of relational healing could take place if we would try harder to listen... understand... and validate our loved one's memories as their own unique experiences. It's easy to get so self-absorbed that we begin thinking everyone else thinks like us and feels things in the same way, which couldn't be further from the truth. One sibling may remember his father's correction as harsh and uncaring while another thinks dad was just a strong, but loving disciplinarian. Still another may think his brother -- not dad -- was the problem, being rebellious and difficult to control. All lived in the same household, shared the same events, but remember them in their own unique ways. You may have a memory to which you have clung, waiting for an apology, when all the while, your parent has no recollection of the event at all. The bottom line is, we each have to work through our own memories in order to get to a place of acceptance and forgiveness, while showing patience and understanding to our family members as they work through their own. Remember -- their are no perfect people -- parents included...siblings as well... And, don't forget... yourself!! :-)
c2009 Lorenda Houston
