Top Ten Things Your Teen Wants From You

10--FOR YOU TO BE AN ADULT

The last thing your teen wants is competition from you, her parent. Control yourself!

Don't try to relive your teen years through your own teenager. That's pathetic!

Don't dress, talk, or act like a teenager. That doesn't mean you can't be "cool", just don't cross the line into ridiculous. That's disgusting!

Pay attention to what your teen is going through. Of course you have a lot on your plate and a lot on your mind, but your teen is at the most critical time of his life, and he is your most pressing responsibility. So, be a grown-up and set aside those other things for the most important things. Get over yourself!

(This is another damaging effect divorce has on children: parents start acting like teenagers again -- dating, flirting, trying to be sexy, even being promiscuous and staying out til all hours of the night -- you know, like a teenager. Your teen can't stand that kind of behavior in you, and it creates an unhealthy role reversal in your relationship with him. He may say things like, "I just want my mom to be happy," and, "I want my mom to date whoever makes her happy," but deep inside, the idea of you dating at all is at odds with everything he innately considers "normal".)

9--FAMILY PEACE

Constant drama will destroy a teen. What do teens most struggle with? Emotionalism: trouble controlling their crazy emotions. So, when you allow the emotional state of your family to be in constant turmoil and chaos, imagine the added pressure to your teen.

Identify the source/sources destroying your family peace and begin to address them. Do you raise your voice or have a harsh tone to your voice every time you address a family member? Fix it. Do you have a too-busy schedule? Find ways to cut something out and slow it down. Is your marriage in turmoil? Identify issues and do the daily work to fix them. Are you easily frustrated, worried, depressed, self-absorbed, irritable? Surrender lordship of your life to God and let him carry the burdens instead of you.

Avoid divorce at all costs. The word should not even be in your vocabulary. Your kids should never have to worry if mom and dad are going to divorce.

If you are divorced, seek help and counsel in every way possible to avoid the common pitfalls of divorced families.

Daily surrender your life and your family to God's authority and live in such a way that shows it.

Involve your family in healthy activities -- consistent church involvement being priority. There are some things your teen should be able to decide whether or not she wants to participate in, but church is not one of those things; youth group is not one of those things. Your teen's spiritual well-being should be of the utmost importance to you, and when you know you have access to quality spiritual leadership and resources, why would you not do everything within your power to take advantage of them?

8--A LISTENING EAR

Zip your lip, open your ears, pay attention and don't freak out!! We humans have a tendency to talk first, listen later. Our teens often need us to do the opposite. If you will take time to listen to your teen (when things are winding down at the end of the day is a good time), you might just hear some really important stuff. And, if he knows he can talk without a harsh reaction, he just might tell you more than he thought he would! This will help you build a lasting relationship with him and open the door for you to give your valuable input into his life.

7--DISCIPLINE

Discipline is not a bad word and should never be mean or harsh. Discipline is training. Training for a successful life. When your teen knows (because you have built relationship with her), that you genuinely have her best interests at heart, she will gladly accept your training, discipline, and loving correction.

Discipline is not about control simply for control's sake. We parents should understand the difference. We are helping our teens learn how to have the best lives possible, not simply trying to control them, when we discipline them. We are getting them prepared for the future.

Discipline includes both teaching and punishment. There must be consequences for bad behavior. Talking and reasoning with your teen is valuable and important, but if it is not reinforced with appropriate punishment, the chances of it changing behavior is slim -- not because your teen is a "bad kid", but because he is normal! You know what his attention span is like!

(When I was in my teens, I developed a bad habit of coming in past my curfew. My parents would be upset and we would talk it through, but they never actually punished me for it. I never lost the privilege of going out the next weekend or anything else that would have been a valuable disciplinary tool for them. Thus, I never conquered the problem and it led to other negative issues in my life. Consequences should always go hand-in hand with teaching. Teens need that reinforcement.)


more to come...


c2010 Lorenda Houston