reading the Bible...

It always surprises me how few people have actually read the Bible; even more surprising, how few Christ-followers have read it. To rely solely upon what others have to say about the Bible, what others say it says, what others think it means, etc., is foolish; moreover, it is utterly irresponsible for those who claim to live their lives for and put their faith and trust in Jesus Christ. The Bible is alive! There is so much to take in, so much to contemplate, so much to consider…

Read the Bible! Then, read it again! Read it like a novel, from cover to cover; read it in segments, as it is often presented in Bible-reading guides; then, read particular books slowly, taking your time to absorb them. In this way, one can gain a greater overall understanding of God and his purposes in one’s life.

There are no "bad" kids. There is, simply, bad parenting...

Whenever I hear the story of someone who has done horrible things, I often wonder about what happened to that person when he or she was a child. Adolph Hitler, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer…they each had a mother…they each had a father. I wonder where their parents were when evil was taking over their hearts. One such story I will never forget was of the notorious mafia hitman referred to as "The Iceman". The horrors of his life and atrocities he committed can easily be accessed online, but the thing that stuck with me the most during the documentary interview I watched was his recollections of his mother and father… His father, an alcoholic, horrifically abusive man, and his mother, also abusive, but what seemed to pain him most, completely unaffectionate and, seemingly, without love at all for him. I couldn't help but think, what if this man had experienced a childhood of a different kind…

Having a Christian worldview helps me understand that we are all born with a sinful nature. Have you noticed that you don't have to teach children how to behave badly? Quite the opposite! We have to be taught to treat one another kindly, to speak with kind words, to control our tempers, to show love instead of hate… The Iceman was born with a sinful nature, just like you, just like me; so, in that respect, we are all "bad". We are all inherently evil. That is why we need a Savior. That is why Jesus came to offer us a way out of the evil, sinful nature which is constantly warring within each of us.

That, however, is not what I'm talking about when I say, "There are no 'bad' kids". I am referring specifically to the label so many people like to put on children and teenagers. One of my pet peeves in the 25 years I've worked with teenagers is this label. We've all heard it. We've all probably been guilty of saying it. "Those are the 'bad' kids." When we label in this way, we help perpetuate stereotypes that bring only harm and no good. I would encourage those of us who are adults to remember back to the years we were teenagers. Do you remember how difficult those years were? Do you remember being labeled at some point and feeling you were then almost stuck in that group, with that label?… It never ceases to amaze me how we all lived through the childhood and teen years and wish we had been treated differently, yet are so quick to perpetuate the same harmful words and stereotypes upon the next generation.

Having said that, I am, alone, responsible for my own actions. Adolph Hitler is responsible for his actions. The Iceman is responsible for his actions. I must stand before God and account for my life. The Iceman can try to blame his parents, society, whomever, for his evil actions, but, in the end, he is responsible for them. So, when I say, "There is, simply, bad parenting," I am certainly not giving children an "out" for bad behavior. That would go against everything I believe and have ever written or stated, publicly or privately, about personal responsibility. I am also not trying to bring condemnation or judgment upon parents. As a parent now for 17 years, I personally need grace and mercy, from God and from my children.

The power of parenting, however, can never be underestimated. We enable our children, either for good or for bad, through our parenting each and every moment of each and every day. I have known many well-meaning parents who never realized the power they possessed to guide their children to better choices. I have known many parents who loved God with all their hearts make choices which enabled bad behavior in their children. I have seen many good, good people make bad, bad parenting choices which led to much heartache and heartbreak. I have also seen parents become empowered and aware of how to parent more effectively turn the bad behavior around in their children. I have watched parents who made mistakes but were honest with their kids, apologized, made a fresh start, and moved forward to have great success in parenting.

There is a reason God made babies, children, and teens unable to live and survive on their own. The fact is, our children are placed into our care by God. My children are under my and their father's care. We are each and both responsible for them. We are responsible to teach and train them in every way, until the appointed time for them to step into adulthood. The Bible is full of references to this responsibility. When a person has a baby, he IS a parent. Sadly, many people don't even take into consideration the depth and meaning of that responsibility. And, too many precious children and teens have been mistreated, abandoned, unloved, abused, labeled, undisciplined -- NOT parented.

Does that mean there is no hope if we've already made mistakes along the way? Of course not! There would be no hope for any of us if that was the case. We must recognize our mistakes, acknowledge them to our children, if they are old enough to understand, and make the next right choice in parenting. One of the great joys in doing this is watching your children respond to your parenting. It's such an exciting freedom to first, acknowledge and then, embrace and use this great gift of parenting!

When my husband and I were first married, we became employed by a children's home in the Dallas area. We were both 20 years of age when we moved into a home with 6 teenagers, the oldest of whom was 17. These teens had all either been abandoned by their parents or placed in the home by their families due to bad behavior. If ever there was a time I wanted to say, "These are bad kids!", it was then! The fact was, these kids all had bad, and some, very bad, behaviors, but they were not "bad" kids (by the aforementioned long-winded definition). They had simply not been PARENTED. They had parents, yes, but they had not been parented well, if parented at all. These teens had no reason to show Monty or me any respect or kindness; they didn't know us from Adam. In fact, we later learned that they were planning to get rid of us the same way they had gotten rid of the previous 4 unsuspecting couples who moved in and tried to "parent" them during the last 2 years…by banding together and behaving so badly, we would tuck tail and run outta there as fast as we could!! They, however, did not succeed. I am happy to report that Monty and I *learned* to parent and outlasted them all, even gaining some respect and possibly love from at least a few of them. What we learned at that children's home were some of the most valuable parenting lessons we've ever learned. We learned that, in order to parent children effectively, you must change your own behavior. We couldn't walk into that home and demand respect. We couldn't demand different behaviors with a "just because I say so" mentality. We had to learn to control our own tempers, control our own tongues, control our own emotions. We had to learn to see the good and acknowledge it before even addressing the bad. We had to realize that beneath those hardened teenaged exteriors were little bitty kids who needed parenting.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. When we parent effectively, our kids will respond. When we don't, they will also respond, but with a much different result. There are no "bad" kids. There are no "good" kids. There are, simply, kids who need their parents to parent them.

c2011 lorenda houston

the recipe for tranquility...

God reminds his people in Micah 6 of all he has done for them, yet he is frustrated because they still rebel against his love. They ask what they can do to repair this relationship--what can they bring? what should they sacrifice..perhaps even their children (as the pagan cultures around them did to appease their gods)? Micah, God's prophet says, "No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."

To do what is right...

To love mercy...

To walk humbly with your God...

We get it so wrong and make it so complicated. But, God simplifies everything.

Obedience. Mercy. Humility.

You will find that same theme over and over again in the Bible. Meditate on that every morning, and you'll find yourself living in true tranquility... The real "OMH" instead of the "ohm" of hinduism. ;)


c2011 lorenda houston