lorenda

reading the Bible...

2011-07-01T15:17:00.002-06:00

It always surprises me how few people have actually read the Bible; even more surprising, how few Christ-followers have read it. To rely solely upon what others have to say about the Bible, what others say it says, what others think it means, etc., is foolish; moreover, it is utterly irresponsible for those who claim to live their lives for and put their faith and trust in Jesus Christ. The Bible is alive! There is so much to take in, so much to contemplate, so much to consider…

Read the Bible! Then, read it again! Read it like a novel, from cover to cover; read it in segments, as it is often presented in Bible-reading guides; then, read particular books slowly, taking your time to absorb them. In this way, one can gain a greater overall understanding of God and his purposes in one’s life.

There are no "bad" kids. There is, simply, bad parenting...

2011-05-06T14:35:00.015-06:00

Whenever I hear the story of someone who has done horrible things, I often wonder about what happened to that person when he or she was a child. Adolph Hitler, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer…they each had a mother…they each had a father. I wonder where their parents were when evil was taking over their hearts. One such story I will never forget was of the notorious mafia hitman referred to as "The Iceman". The horrors of his life and atrocities he committed can easily be accessed online, but the thing that stuck with me the most during the documentary interview I watched was his recollections of his mother and father… His father, an alcoholic, horrifically abusive man, and his mother, also abusive, but what seemed to pain him most, completely unaffectionate and, seemingly, without love at all for him. I couldn't help but think, what if this man had experienced a childhood of a different kind…

Having a Christian worldview helps me understand that we are all born with a sinful nature. Have you noticed that you don't have to teach children how to behave badly? Quite the opposite! We have to be taught to treat one another kindly, to speak with kind words, to control our tempers, to show love instead of hate… The Iceman was born with a sinful nature, just like you, just like me; so, in that respect, we are all "bad". We are all inherently evil. That is why we need a Savior. That is why Jesus came to offer us a way out of the evil, sinful nature which is constantly warring within each of us.

That, however, is not what I'm talking about when I say, "There are no 'bad' kids". I am referring specifically to the label so many people like to put on children and teenagers. One of my pet peeves in the 25 years I've worked with teenagers is this label. We've all heard it. We've all probably been guilty of saying it. "Those are the 'bad' kids." When we label in this way, we help perpetuate stereotypes that bring only harm and no good. I would encourage those of us who are adults to remember back to the years we were teenagers. Do you remember how difficult those years were? Do you remember being labeled at some point and feeling you were then almost stuck in that group, with that label?… It never ceases to amaze me how we all lived through the childhood and teen years and wish we had been treated differently, yet are so quick to perpetuate the same harmful words and stereotypes upon the next generation.

Having said that, I am, alone, responsible for my own actions. Adolph Hitler is responsible for his actions. The Iceman is responsible for his actions. I must stand before God and account for my life. The Iceman can try to blame his parents, society, whomever, for his evil actions, but, in the end, he is responsible for them. So, when I say, "There is, simply, bad parenting," I am certainly not giving children an "out" for bad behavior. That would go against everything I believe and have ever written or stated, publicly or privately, about personal responsibility. I am also not trying to bring condemnation or judgment upon parents. As a parent now for 17 years, I personally need grace and mercy, from God and from my children.

The power of parenting, however, can never be underestimated. We enable our children, either for good or for bad, through our parenting each and every moment of each and every day. I have known many well-meaning parents who never realized the power they possessed to guide their children to better choices. I have known many parents who loved God with all their hearts make choices which enabled bad behavior in their children. I have seen many good, good people make bad, bad parenting choices which led to much heartache and heartbreak. I have also seen parents become empowered and aware of how to parent more effectively turn the bad behavior around in their children. I have watched parents who made mistakes but were honest with their kids, apologized, made a fresh start, and moved forward to have great success in parenting.

There is a reason God made babies, children, and teens unable to live and survive on their own. The fact is, our children are placed into our care by God. My children are under my and their father's care. We are each and both responsible for them. We are responsible to teach and train them in every way, until the appointed time for them to step into adulthood. The Bible is full of references to this responsibility. When a person has a baby, he IS a parent. Sadly, many people don't even take into consideration the depth and meaning of that responsibility. And, too many precious children and teens have been mistreated, abandoned, unloved, abused, labeled, undisciplined -- NOT parented.

Does that mean there is no hope if we've already made mistakes along the way? Of course not! There would be no hope for any of us if that was the case. We must recognize our mistakes, acknowledge them to our children, if they are old enough to understand, and make the next right choice in parenting. One of the great joys in doing this is watching your children respond to your parenting. It's such an exciting freedom to first, acknowledge and then, embrace and use this great gift of parenting!

When my husband and I were first married, we became employed by a children's home in the Dallas area. We were both 20 years of age when we moved into a home with 6 teenagers, the oldest of whom was 17. These teens had all either been abandoned by their parents or placed in the home by their families due to bad behavior. If ever there was a time I wanted to say, "These are bad kids!", it was then! The fact was, these kids all had bad, and some, very bad, behaviors, but they were not "bad" kids (by the aforementioned long-winded definition). They had simply not been PARENTED. They had parents, yes, but they had not been parented well, if parented at all. These teens had no reason to show Monty or me any respect or kindness; they didn't know us from Adam. In fact, we later learned that they were planning to get rid of us the same way they had gotten rid of the previous 4 unsuspecting couples who moved in and tried to "parent" them during the last 2 years…by banding together and behaving so badly, we would tuck tail and run outta there as fast as we could!! They, however, did not succeed. I am happy to report that Monty and I *learned* to parent and outlasted them all, even gaining some respect and possibly love from at least a few of them. What we learned at that children's home were some of the most valuable parenting lessons we've ever learned. We learned that, in order to parent children effectively, you must change your own behavior. We couldn't walk into that home and demand respect. We couldn't demand different behaviors with a "just because I say so" mentality. We had to learn to control our own tempers, control our own tongues, control our own emotions. We had to learn to see the good and acknowledge it before even addressing the bad. We had to realize that beneath those hardened teenaged exteriors were little bitty kids who needed parenting.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. When we parent effectively, our kids will respond. When we don't, they will also respond, but with a much different result. There are no "bad" kids. There are no "good" kids. There are, simply, kids who need their parents to parent them.

c2011 lorenda houston

the recipe for tranquility...

2011-01-26T00:22:00.004-07:00

God reminds his people in Micah 6 of all he has done for them, yet he is frustrated because they still rebel against his love. They ask what they can do to repair this relationship--what can they bring? what should they sacrifice..perhaps even their children (as the pagan cultures around them did to appease their gods)? Micah, God's prophet says, "No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."

To do what is right...

To love mercy...

To walk humbly with your God...

We get it so wrong and make it so complicated. But, God simplifies everything.

Obedience. Mercy. Humility.

You will find that same theme over and over again in the Bible. Meditate on that every morning, and you'll find yourself living in true tranquility... The real "OMH" instead of the "ohm" of hinduism. ;)

c2011 lorenda houston

"it's the thought that counts..."

2010-10-19T13:27:00.004-06:00

have you ever thought about what that phrase really means?

it's actually a pretty ridiculous thing to say... just an excuse... for not actually DOING something nice for someone...

so, you didn't do something nice for someone, but you thought about it?... wow, that's actually worse than not thinking about it!

it's not the thought that counts... it's the ACTION that counts... ever heard of "love is a verb"?

it reminds me of the passages in the book of James that talk about how important ACTING on our faith is...faith without actions is dead...

i guess that leads to another, more accurate saying: "actions speak louder than words" (or thoughts, i might add)...

c2010 lorenda houston

prayer as a weapon...

2010-10-13T16:44:00.007-06:00

...and I don't mean the good kind, as in "spiritual warfare".

I mean, have you ever been around a person who seems to use public prayer as a means to avoid communication; as a means to punish another; as a means to exert control over others?

Prayer is one of the most wonderful and powerful tools we have as Christ-followers and was never intended to be used in any kind of negative way. When you are disappointed with your child's behavior, it's fine to pray together about it, but it's not okay to try to correct that behavior with the words you use in that prayer. In doing so, you will likely cause your child to think of God negatively. She may think God is as angry with her as you are. I have often told my children that there may be times they feel they can't talk to me, but they should know they can ALWAYS talk to God (pray). And, that is what we want our children to feel and know...NOT, that, oh yes, God loves you, but he is also really ANGRY with you! That is not based in truth.

When a family crisis arises, it's wonderful to pray together, but not in order to avoid actual communication with one another. Pray that God will help you all communicate clearly and be respectful of each other's feelings and bring healing where there has been hurt, and then proceed to actually talk and listen and work through the crisis as a family should.

One of the worst is when you hear a preacher pray publicly and you're left feeling as if you've received a tongue-lashing. Or, he/she prays and you feel as if they are "in cahoots" with God and you're simply a lowly peon. How very different from the way the Bible encourages each of us and all of us to go to "the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)

Prayer is a connection built on love. It is communication with our Creator, the one who loves us all the same and each of us equally. You, as a parent, can go to the throne of grace with confidence, just as can your child. You, as a leader, can go to the throne of grace with confidence, just as can those whom you are leading. Doesn't the Bible make it clear that in God's eyes we "are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus... There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus"? (Galatians 3:20)

So, let us be careful how we use times of public prayer... Just as I want my life, lived out, to speak the truth about who Jesus is, so I want my words of communication with God to be a truthful portrayal of how he feels about me and those listening, whether that listener is my precious child or a room full of people who have graciously gathered to hear what I have to say. Isn't part of our job description as Christians to remove walls between people and God, to make the path clear, simple, easy to understand? It seems that prayer is another one of those things that we've abused and misused and built into something it's not supposed to be which actually BLOCKS the view to Christ...

c2010 lorenda houston

2010-10-02T14:00:00.001-06:00

She lies down at dawn and rises in the early afternoon. I gently, cautiously extract myself from my cozy spot in the bed beside her so as not to cause her any disturbance of sleep. Her hearing aids lay on the bedside table, so I know she cannot hear if I move quietly enough; still, I don't want my movements to awaken her. She lies peacefully still on her cushion of sheepskin on top of the bedsheets, covered by warm blankets. Stealthily, I move out of the bedroom and into the kitchen...

Until she wakes, I mill around quietly in the ancient two-story house, home to various family members at different times throughout the years, but, in my mind, it is and forever shall be, her house. With the curtains drawn, the shadowy light provides the perfect setting for my secret discoveries and happy solitude. Everything seems magical during these hours...

She is a collector of many things, all infinitely interesting to my young creative mind. Rows of variously shaped wine glasses, carefully stored in open-fronted cabinets high off the floor, never used for wine, of course, as we are a non-drinking family; yet, lovingly and painstakingly hand-washed, dried and put away after each use. We do use them -- it would be ridiculous not to enjoy their interesting shapes, always held in my hand with the stem between my fingers, just so... Late at night, we enjoy simplistically elegant meals of cheese and crackers, accompanied by grape juice or some such beverage served expansively in one of the wine glasses of our choice. Many of the smaller ones are housed in a shelving unit along the wall behind the small kitchen table, more easily accessible to her and to me. Shot glasses of many colors, tiny stemmed glasses, all playing into my passion for miniature things.

The house is always neatly cluttered with her things. Stacks of notes to remind her of the things she doesn't want to forget are on the desk made especially for her, with plenty of room underneath for her chair to slide in easily. Lions and tigers -- photos, figurines, stuffed animals -- are scattered throughout the rooms, their quiet elegance and graceful strength a constant, calming presence. A rectangular glass container houses blue liquid, which, when turned on, slowly seesaws from side to side, making the liquid move, mimicking a wave on the ocean, for which she so passionately longs. Other reminders of the sea are everywhere...

The hours pass slowly as I explore and daydream... The hardwood floor occasionally groans beneath my socked feet.

There is a delightfully tiny room beneath the staircase in the space between the kitchen, her bedroom and the bathroom. We talk and dream of fixing it up into something really special...maybe a secret reading nook...maybe simply a secret hiding place...

I enjoy climbing the stairs, but since she cannot access them, I don't spend much time up there. At first, that is her sister's space, later used for storage; even later, living space for other family members. While her sister lives there, it is a world unto itself -- light-filled, airy, vibrant; the bed on the screened-in porch a favorite place for sleeping when my sisters and our cousins are all there; the claw-footed tub a favorite place for long, luxurious bubble baths. Her sister's clothes-filled closet stretches from wall to wall in the bedroom. When she came home from college one time, she had a light-blue denim shirt upon which she had embroidered all kinds of things. I vaguely remember something on there having to do with her college boyfriend. All her talk of boyfriends always made me a little flushed with adolescent excitement and pre-pubescent embarrassment. She was the youngest of the siblings, closer to our age than the others, so hip and cool and modern...

But downstairs, it is quiet, serene, peaceful, dark...the perfect place for me. I walk back into the bedroom, and she is stirring. Feather is also awake now. Feather, Freddy, Feather-bed, "Mr." Fred -- her perfectly precocious poodle; her constant companion. She has a million names for her. So many, I can't remember them all. We say good morning. She sits up, puts in her hearing aids and pulls her legs over the side of the bed. She then pulls her chair toward herself and carefully, quickly shifts her body into it. Thus, her "morning" routine begins...

She wheels into the bathroom, asks me if I need anything, and says she'll be an hour or two. Sometimes I leave her to her privacy, other times I stay and help her with something. She empties her bag into the toilet. Whenever we go places together, she always asks me to tell her if I ever smell the urine, in case she doesn't notice. She spends the next while on the toilet, privately taking care of her physical needs, the needs unique to a paraplegic. I feel privileged that she trusts me with these things. Privileged and honored that she would share with me, her young niece, the most personal aspects of her life. But, that's the thing about her -- she makes me feel important.

She is the one person in my world who makes me feel good about who I am. She understands me. We understand each other. Without saying much. We simply know who the other is. I feel unique and special with her, not awkward and misunderstood. I feel no embarrassment being who I am with her; still shy, but "okay", nonetheless.

As she goes through her morning routine, hoisting herself from her chair into the tub with the help of a pull-up bar that Pop fixed for her and bathing, I contentedly care for Feather and wait for her to finish. I may walk past the bathroom and we may talk about something for a moment, or I may leave her, with the door closed, to her warm bath. Finally, she is done and ready to face the day.

We spend the afternoon hours doing this and that... Freddy takes her place either on her lap or on the foot rests of the chair as she wheels around the house. She has a painting in a corner of the living room that always intrigues me. Dark shades of purple with some green...the outline of a silhouetted head ending with an outline of a human body inside the head... She is an artist, a writer, a thinker, yet always frustrated that she can't do more of these things, that she can't express herself more fully. She feels utterly restricted by the chair, the paralysis, the loss...

She is trapped in her body, trapped by her body...trapped by the time she must spend caring for her body... Tormented, at times, by people's well-meaning, yet awkward, sympathy. Tormented by her own physical limitations. Tormented by the abandonment of the man she loved so much... She sometimes suffers with terrible sores that form from not being able to feel what her body needs -- bed sores. And, why, on top of the paralysis and all the physical problems it brings, did she have to suffer hearing loss as well?

She is so beautiful. Deep-set eyes, long, dark hair, tiny wrists, long fingers. She has a meticulous make-up kit with which she "fixes herself up" each day. I don't think she needs it, but she struggles to see the beauty in her face that I - and everybody else - so clearly see. Her waist is tiny, yet all she notices are her thighs, which appear wide to her as she sits in the chair -- that being her only vantage point. Her feet sit without feeling on the footholds that fold up or down as needed at the bottom of the chair. Her toes curl under a bit, but to my eyes, there is no "deformity" there. All I see is her gentle spirit and radiant beauty. She wears an intriguing ring on her lovely long, bony finger. The stone is reminiscent of the painting...iridescent purple with some green in the right light, an elongated marquise cut. It usually dangles the wrong way on her finger because the meat in between her knuckles is a bit lacking. Sometimes one of her legs will suddenly kick straight out in front of her, as if protesting its typical lack of movement, and she must coax it down from its stiffness, as if calming the unrest in her very soul. We usually laugh together when this happens, and I understand innately how laughter can be a welcome coping mechanism...

As afternoon turns to evening, the sun sets and the stars begin to appear, we come to her favorite part of the day. Night. It is my favorite, too. I feel fully alive at night, as does she. Neighbors, including family who live in homes on the same property, with Pop's auto-repair shop, "Lee's Garage", at the center, begin to go to bed for the night. But we, two night owls, are just getting started. We light candles, play cards and enjoy our cheese and crackers feast as the magical night wears on. No one comes to bother, checking in, interrupting our solitude. It is just we two. Oh, and Fredder-bed! We talk and play into the wee hours of the morning. At the perfect point of darkness, she wheels outside and I follow, onto the long concrete sidewalk, high off the ground, connecting her house with her older sister's. We sit and look at the moon and stars, enjoying the solitude and quiet of the dark night. Sometimes, I stay up with her to watch the sun peek over the horizon, but I always feel a little naughty when I do, and she always feels concerned for me. So, usually I retire to bed before she does, snuggling down under the heavy, furry blanket, feeling safe... content... understood.

She has suffered so. She suffers still. Yet, she has given me something I so desperately need. She -- my dear, damaged, disabled, Aunt Elaine, has accepted me as I am and has made me feel I have something important to offer the world. She calls me "Kidden" (I do love cats), and I call her "Laine", my "favorite". In her seeming powerlessness, she has empowered me to be who I am... The beauty and brokenness of her uniqueness have shown me how to be my own unique self. The honesty of our conversations and her desire to listen to me have made me feel I have something to offer. I am and will forever be indebted to her because of it.

c2010 lorenda houston

clarity...

2010-09-21T23:20:00.007-06:00

Death puts everything into perspective.

Those on their deathbeds, and those loved ones of someone recently deceased always say the same things:

Forgive.
Spend more time with those you love.
Make your spouse and your children the priority in your life.
Slow down.
Enjoy the little things.
Say, "I love you" more.
Be more affectionate.

Interesting, isn't it, that these all sound like things from God's Instruction Manual?

These are the things you don't hear from a dying person:

I wish I had spent more time at the bar.
I wish I had spent more time at work.
I wish I had had more sex partners.
I wish I had done more drugs.
I wish I had had more money.

Things become crystal-clear when death is imminent, and the truth is, death is imminent for us all. We have no guarantee of the next moment.

Let the clarity death brings help us all to make better choices while we're still breathing Earth's air...

c2010 lorenda houston

Yes, but...

2010-09-20T21:43:00.003-06:00

We want God to bless us, but we're unwilling to live a fully surrendered life...

We want financial blessing, but we're unwilling to follow the giving principles God lays out in his word which prove our full trust of his lordship in our lives...

We want respectful, well-behaved children, but we're unwilling to provide them the loving discipline God so clearly teaches in his word and mirrors for us as our heavenly father...

We want an exciting, fulfilling marriage, but we're unwilling to make the biblical choices that would get us there...

We want God's provision, but we're unwilling to give up control...

We want peace, but we're unwilling to break our addiction to drama...

We want satisfaction, but we're unwilling to follow the instruction manual...

We want God's acceptance, but we're unwilling to rebel against society's rules...

We want meaning and fulfillment in life, but we're unwilling to live as we were created to live...

We want time to slow down, but we're unwilling to stop running full-speed ahead...

...

We'll never get what we want until we stop saying, "Yes, but...", and start saying, simply, "Yes".

c2010 lorenda houston

School, Sports, Socializing, Spirituality...what's most important?

2010-09-19T16:15:00.006-06:00

We worry about everything when it comes to our kids. We worry about their education and about their physical development. We make sure they have the clothes they need, the food they need, the stuff they need. We want them to actively participate in sports, in school functions, in social events and parties. We spend so much time, energy and money to make sure our kids are well-rounded. And yet, the most important thing of all is so often neglected: the spiritual. All those other things are fine and can even be good and healthy, but if the spiritual life of your child comes last, none of those other things will even matter in the end.

I would speculate that the main reason for this neglect is simply that the parent's own spiritual life is lacking. Maybe you have so many unanswered questions or a negative spiritual upbringing yourself that you aren't sure how to approach spirituality with your own children. That's really a lame excuse, though. If you care at all about that baby you brought into the world, why wouldn't you treat his spiritual life with the importance you treat his school life or his social life or his sports life?

God wants to walk in relationship with your child. He cares more for your child than you ever could, so why don't you do the most important thing you could ever do as a parent? Open the door for your child to have a vibrant, lasting, ongoing relationship with God. Make spirituality a priority in your own life first, and then in your family life. It doesn't have to be perfect, nor should it be weird. It just has to be real.

c2010 lorenda houston

open your hymnal and turn to page...

2010-09-14T14:34:00.004-06:00

That's the kind of church music i remember as a child...

"The Hymnal".

Nothing wrong with the hymnal.

The hymnal is simply a book full of songs. Mostly songs about God and to God, about themes found in the Bible, as well as patriotic songs and songs with themes more specific to whatever type of church to which one belongs. I remember it was always kind of a big deal when our particular church's national offices put out a new hymnal. There were always a few newer songs included in it, and maybe a few older ones that were discontinued. It was as if a few new songs had acquired the "holy stamp of approval" from the higher-ups as "acceptable to be sung in OUR churches"... Somewhere, someone had crossed the line from, "here's a bunch of songs bound in book form useful for using in your church gatherings", to, "here are the songs we have decided are sacred and must be the only ones sung at your gatherings in order to receive approval". Approval from whom? Well, from your particular church's national leaders, of course, but certainly implied in that kind of conversation is approval from God himself.

What is wrong is that somewhere along the way, the hymnal began being viewed as a sacred book. The implied sentiment is that "The Hymnal" is equal with "The Bible"... I'm sure the church leaders would argue against that, but it's certainly what I perceived as I was growing up.

As a songwriter who shares songs in a church setting, I so appreciate when people identify with what I've written and even find hope and perhaps develop an emotional attachment to a particular song. As a music lover, I completely understand that and have many songs I feel that exact way about - including some from my childhood hymnal. We experience certain events at certain times in our lives and identify certain songs with those times, so we feel certain emotions when we hear those songs again. This is exactly what happens and has happened in all the years past in people's church experiences: the song they remember singing at the time they opened their heart to Jesus' love for the first time; the song they remember singing when they went to church during a difficult time in their life; the song they remember hearing when they were a child at church with their parents who have now passed away. These songs have great sentimental value, and for good reason! But, that doesn't mean they should be the songs that are sung during church gatherings now. What about the people in the audience who can't identify with that song at all because the language is Shakespearean in style? Or simply because it is the language of a church culture from 100 years ago? Or, even 50 years ago?

I find it sad that we've allowed ourselves to care so much about things that don't matter at all in the eternal context to which God calls us to live. And, even more so, that we've allowed these insignificant things to make our message irrelevant to so many who desperately need it today.

I have written many songs that I've shared in our church gatherings which I hope and pray affect people's lives positively, with which I hope people can identify, and to which I hope some people perhaps even grow emotionally attached, but if someone bundles them up someday and says, "these are the only songs you should sing at church", I would wish I had never even written them.

more thoughts on this topic at an older post of mine:
http://lorendahouston.blogspot.com/2009/03/worshipand-other-misunderstood-words.html

c2010 lorenda houston

2010-09-06T22:06:00.001-06:00

She is a collector of many things, all infinitely interesting to my young creative mind. Rows of variously shaped wine glasses, carefully stored in open-fronted cabinets high off the floor, never used for wine, of course, as we are a non-drinking family; yet, lovingly and painstakingly hand-washed, dried and put away after each use. We do use them -- it would be ridiculous not to enjoy their interesting shapes, always held in my hand with the stem between my fingers, just so... Late at night, we enjoy simplistically elegant meals of cheese and crackers, accompanied by grape juice or some such beverage served expansively in one of the wine glasses of our choice. Many of the smaller ones are housed in a shelving unit along the wall behind the small kitchen table, more easily accessible to her and to me. Shot glasses of many colors, tiny stemmed glasses, all playing into my passion for miniature things.

c2010 lorenda houston

favorites....

2010-09-04T19:44:00.003-06:00

solitude

quiet

stillness

calm

surrender

the peace that comes from surrender

doing what i can

not doing more than i can

silence

dusk

the holy spirit, my constant companion

...

c2010 lorenda houston

don't forget to stop and smell the roses...

2010-09-03T17:49:00.003-06:00

driving through traffic, heading home, mind full of thoughts, preoccupied, turn left on flager road, pass the mailboxes, pass the tanks, look to the left, and...

...

suddenly, all thoughts vanish, mind clears, calm floods the car, my mind, my soul...turn off the radio, slow down, and stare...

at the beauty, the grand majesty of the view...

the mountains, periwinkle in the distance, silhouetted against the light blue sky and white puffs of clouds, anchored by miles of low-growing vegetation and red sand...

everything makes sense...i relax without even trying, my breathing slows, my head clears...

it is HIS world.

and i am just living in it, with HIM leading the way.

...

thanks, god, that i get to see this every time i drive home.

c2010 lorenda houston

musings on the eve of my birthday...

2010-08-28T21:21:00.004-06:00

I was never afraid of age and still am not. I'll be 44 tomorrow. Some of you think that is old, some of you think that is young... It depends on your age! Really, though, age is all about perspective, right? Perspective, and well, physically speaking, the body does continually grow older... I don't remember ever wishing desperately to be a different age. I do remember being in my early 20's and in leadership already and feeling at times it would be easier to gain respect if I were in my 40's. Now that I'm in my 40's...hmmm...not so sure about that! Maybe in my 60's... :) I think I've just never felt "grown-up", although I've carried the weight of many responsibilities from a very young age... Maybe it's because I tend to think "outside the box" about things. Although naturally quiet and shy and an obedient child, still, when other people set "the rules", I'm always questioning "the rules". And yet, I have always found myself in the role of leading others, which includes setting and enforcing rules at times, putting me at odds with my own natural bent and causing occasional volcanic inner battles! Anyway, wasn't I writing about age?!? Oh, yeah, 44... It's just funny to think of my parents at this age. They seemed so much more grown-up than how I feel. Oh well, I'm sure that's not how they felt either. On second thought, my dad probably did. He seems to savor being The Grown-Up. ;)

I can say, I love life. I love the life God has given me. I feel better about where I am now than anywhere I've been before. I appreciate what I've learned from the past, and I'm excited about what's ahead in the future. At 44, I can appreciate all I've been through, and because of all I've been through, I have a clearer vision of where I need to go. I do have a confidence that can only come with age and living through mistakes and coming out on the other side, which I do appreciate since I've so struggled with self-doubt all my life. I hope I can keep learning, keep growing, keep loving, keep laughing, dancing, singing, painting, thinking, crying, feeling, writing for as long as God allows me to breathe on this earth. And, after that, all will be peace and joy forever without the struggle of trying! So, 44?... Who cares, when you're gonna live forever anyway.

c2010 lorenda houston

2010-08-06T13:31:00.000-06:00

favorites...

2010-07-31T19:24:00.003-06:00

rain

the smell of rain

the smell of the desert after the rain

the sky

clouds

sunsets

the moon

night

the ocean

waves crashing on the beach

the tide receding to uncover "new" shells

seashells

vacation

nothing to do

...

c2010 lorenda houston

empathy...

2010-07-24T19:13:00.005-06:00

n : the experiencing as one's own of the feelings of another

"...treat everyone as you would like to be treated...this sums up everything the bible says," matthew 7:12.

"what the world needs now is empathy, sweet empathy...it's the only thing that there's just too little of." -hal david, revised by me.

empathy is what we all want when the cop pulls us over for speeding...

“do not judge others, and you will not be judged. for you will be treated as you treat others. the standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. and why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? how can you think of saying to your friend, ‘let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? hypocrite! first get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye," matthew 7:1-5.

"then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye"... when?

WHEN YOU HAVE LEARNED EMPATHY.

"when you can't see past the log in your own eye", you are selfish, self-centered, arrogant and egotistical. you see no problem with yourself, yet you judge everyone around you. how can you "get rid of the log in your own eye"??? by turning the searchlight on your own heart, seeing yourself as equal to everyone else, recognizing your own need, recognizing your own humanity, humbling yourself before the only one who is greater than anyone else - god. when you do those things, you can't help but become empathetic toward others. you will no longer "judge" because you desperately do not want to BE judged.

we all struggle with "judgmentalism" (is that even a word?). why is it so in our human nature to judge one another? i don't know. but, i do know that's why the bible deals so plainly with it. the bible shines the light brightly on all our human weaknesses... not to make us feel hopeless, but to actually show us we need god's help if we are ever going to be anything like what we should be. we cannot gain more empathy on our own. we cannot rid ourselves of our judgmental eyes simply by wishing it so. we need god's help. as always. only complete and on-going surrender to him allows us to view others, as well as ourselves, as we should...

hopeless? no. helpless? yes, definitely, without god's help.

c2010 lorenda houston

comfort zone...

2010-07-24T18:35:00.007-06:00

when was the last time you did something outside of your comfort zone?

we all find that spot where we feel "safe" and want to stay there. safe, meaning protected from criticism, shielded from change, cocooned in, so to speak... there are always times we need to pull away in solitude or with only our closest companions to recharge and refresh, but i'm talking about isolating ourselves from ever having to experience anything that brings change to us. because that's what happens when you step outside your comfort zone. you are confronted with people, experiences, places, which force you to adapt, change, grow...even, rethink your "position". sometimes we need to experience discomfort in order to address selfishness which so quickly creeps in to all our lives. when we rarely or never step outside our comfort zones, we become judgmental, uncaring, skeptical, harsh, critical. we lose empathy for others. and empathy is what we all need more of. empathy is what tears down walls. at some point in your life, you will need empathy from others, so isn't it best to live with an attitude of empathy right now?

"...in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the law and the prophets," matthew 7:12. by "the law and the prophets", jesus was referring to what portion of the bible they had right then. in other words, treat everybody the way you want to be treated -- this sums up what the whole bible is about!

the next time you find yourself being overly critical and judgmental of people, rip yourself out of your comfort zone. go somewhere you've never been... try to see life from someone else's perspective... put yourself in their shoes. isn't that exactly what jesus did when he, who being god, came down to this earth, wrapped himself in humanity, and lived amongst us?... he refused to stay within his "comfort zone" in order to relate to us... how much more should we, being utterly human, refuse to stay within our selfish comfort zones in order to understand and empathize with one another more adequately...

c2010 Lorenda Houston

why?...

2010-06-21T23:26:00.008-06:00

never got around to watching LOST on tv, so started watching it on the internet a couple of days ago, after much prodding from my daughter... one of the things i like about it -- after watching no more than most of season 1, mind you (i realize things could change over the course of 6 seasons!) -- is that everything that happens seems to have a reason for happening...the strange things that take place seem to have a direct connection to things that have happened in the individuals' lives before the crash...

one of the most common questions in life seems to be, "why?"... we always want to know the answer to that one question in our lives...

some of the most profound epiphanies in my life happened when i allowed myself to uncover the answer to that question... and, not with the quick answer of blaming someone else... i'm talking about the "why" that goes deep into my own heart and mind... it is, at times, a frightening place to go... an always revealing place to go...

the thing is, there is always a "why" for every action we take as humans...

and only when we get brave enough to start excavating those deep places will we find what we're looking for in this life... only when we turn the searchlight on in our own hearts will we be able to make deep, lasting, transformational changes...

isn't that really what we want anyway?... transformation?...

it's easy to blame someone else, everyone else, anyone besides ourselves, but that doesn't bring change... change only occurs when we take a good, long look at ourselves and answer the questions that really hurt... why did i do that? why did i say that? why do i feel this way? why? why? why?

transformation is painful... change hurts... the searchlight is traumatic... it doesn't miss a thing... it reveals what we try to hide from everyone, from ourselves, from god... but, until we let it shine, happiness will be fleeting and joy will be non-existent...

in essence, we will remain...

LOST.

c2010 Lorenda Houston

scorching hot day in the desert...

2010-06-06T16:19:00.003-06:00

thunderheads move in...

starts pouring rain!

can't get much better than that...

c2010 Lorenda Houston

trust & love...

2010-05-30T18:17:00.006-06:00

do i trust god?

do i trust what he says?
do i trust what he promises?

do i trust that he will never leave me?
do i trust that he can make something good come from my mess?
do i trust that he knows what is best for me?
do i trust that when everything seems to be falling apart around me, he will still take care of me?

because that is when trust is tested...

when i have no more control over the situations around me, over the people around me, over what might happen in the next few moments...

that is when my trust of him is tested...

and then i realize -- that's how it has always been anyway!

i have no control over the situations around me.
i have no control over the people around me.
i have no control over this world.
i have no control.
i am not in control.

and then, i have two choices: fear or trust.

fear because i realize i have no control.

but, i will not choose fear.
i will choose trust.

i trust god.
i trust him to know what is best for me.
i trust him to lead me in the paths down which i need to go.
i trust him.
i trust his love for me.
i trust in his love.

"Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first."

--I John 4:7-19

and that is the kind of love i can trust...

c2010 Lorenda Houston

nothing & everything...

2010-04-08T12:30:00.011-06:00

nothing...

i am nothing without god...

i fail.
i fall.
i fumble the ball.

the past is a weight.
the present, a drag.
the future, murky.

but with him, i come to life!
i come alive!
i am alive!

the past is forgiven, forgotten, powerless.
the present, beautiful, doable, powerful.
the future, hope-filled, worry-free, in his hands.

i move.
i walk tall.
i carry the ball.

everything.

i am everything i need to be.
in him.
through him.
by him.

c2010 Lorenda Houston

2010-01-20T23:30:00.005-07:00

People of color, unite!
All shades of brown, from darkest to light...

We are so much the same!
No matter the skin tone, no matter the name...

We should let nothing divide!
No cultural difference, no self-centered pride...

Abolish envy and hate!
No fuel to the fire, it will soon dissipate...

Do not let arrogance rise!
Love your neighbor as yourself, see life through his eyes...

A rainbow of browns are we!
How many the hues, what variety...

Embrace the uniqueness in all!
United, we stand; divided, we fall...

c2010 Lorenda Houston

"there IS rest for the weary...!" .....OR..... "satan, sleep and surrender: what could they possibly have in common?!..."

2010-01-13T23:59:00.014-07:00

I love to sleep, but I hate having to go to sleep... It's one of the aggravations of my life! Maybe it is because I tend to be a slower-moving type of person and never seem to get everything done that I'd like in a day. I find it so frustrating to have to go to sleep when I want to keep going.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. It's another one of those things I can see satan (yes, I believe he's real, though I still have questions) uses to trip us up. I've heard plenty of drug addicts talk about using speed/meth to "get things done", but again, it's a cheap shortcut because they never really get anything done, except picking at their faces or taking electronics apart and never getting them back together. Okay, maybe a super-clean house, but is it really worth the price paid? So, their brains are basically tricked into believing they're accomplishing great things by being able to cheat sleep. Cheating sleep sounds pretty enticing to me sometimes...

It's interesting that the Bible talks about sleep as if it's a good thing...

Psalm 127
"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat--
for he grants sleep to those he loves."

So, sleep is a gift from God to those who surrender control of their lives to him...

In Matthew 6:34, Jesus himself tells us to not "...worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

To me, that indicates the importance of laying down the day and its unfinished projects and worries at the end of the day and seeing each day as a fresh start.

The fact that I'm never "finished" when it's time to sleep is something I should just let go of while I'm still on this earth. It's another thing that entices me toward heaven and what God has in store beyond the here and now. Revelation 21 and 22 both say there will be no more night and that we will live forever. The very fact that we can never fully be satisfied by our accomplishments on this earth make me believe there has got to be more to our existence than just this short time here... Time will no longer be a hindrance, nor will sleep!

So, while I remain on this earth, I will gratefully allow God to grant me sleep and help me deal with only the worries of today...while daydreaming about what lies beyond...

c2010 Lorenda Houston

Thirteen...

2010-01-08T17:24:00.009-07:00

She presses play...

...and begins to mouth the words and move in rhythm with the beat, each phrase sweetly choreographed by herself: no dance troupe needed. Gliding here and there, arms extended, hands gracefully lending a charming lilt, head tilting ever so slightly to the right, then the left. Upon her glowing face, each emotional word vulnerably portrayed. In her sparkling eyes, every heartfelt note frankly visible. She is immersed in the melody, submerged in the harmonies, engulfed by the poetry. She is full of the joy of life, flushed with love's first crush, energized by youthful passion. She is innocent and serene, bubbling with hope, bursting with dreams...

A fluttering woodland fairy... a butterfly on the breeze... a sparrow stretching its wings...

She is the dancing queen.

c2010 Lorenda Houston

Top Ten Things Your Teen Wants From You

2010-01-08T11:46:00.020-07:00

10--FOR YOU TO BE AN ADULT

The last thing your teen wants is competition from you, her parent. Control yourself!

Don't try to relive your teen years through your own teenager. That's pathetic!

Don't dress, talk, or act like a teenager. That doesn't mean you can't be "cool", just don't cross the line into ridiculous. That's disgusting!

Pay attention to what your teen is going through. Of course you have a lot on your plate and a lot on your mind, but your teen is at the most critical time of his life, and he is your most pressing responsibility. So, be a grown-up and set aside those other things for the most important things. Get over yourself!

(This is another damaging effect divorce has on children: parents start acting like teenagers again -- dating, flirting, trying to be sexy, even being promiscuous and staying out til all hours of the night -- you know, like a teenager. Your teen can't stand that kind of behavior in you, and it creates an unhealthy role reversal in your relationship with him. He may say things like, "I just want my mom to be happy," and, "I want my mom to date whoever makes her happy," but deep inside, the idea of you dating at all is at odds with everything he innately considers "normal".)

9--FAMILY PEACE

Constant drama will destroy a teen. What do teens most struggle with? Emotionalism: trouble controlling their crazy emotions. So, when you allow the emotional state of your family to be in constant turmoil and chaos, imagine the added pressure to your teen.

Identify the source/sources destroying your family peace and begin to address them. Do you raise your voice or have a harsh tone to your voice every time you address a family member? Fix it. Do you have a too-busy schedule? Find ways to cut something out and slow it down. Is your marriage in turmoil? Identify issues and do the daily work to fix them. Are you easily frustrated, worried, depressed, self-absorbed, irritable? Surrender lordship of your life to God and let him carry the burdens instead of you.

Avoid divorce at all costs. The word should not even be in your vocabulary. Your kids should never have to worry if mom and dad are going to divorce.

If you are divorced, seek help and counsel in every way possible to avoid the common pitfalls of divorced families.

Daily surrender your life and your family to God's authority and live in such a way that shows it.

Involve your family in healthy activities -- consistent church involvement being priority. There are some things your teen should be able to decide whether or not she wants to participate in, but church is not one of those things; youth group is not one of those things. Your teen's spiritual well-being should be of the utmost importance to you, and when you know you have access to quality spiritual leadership and resources, why would you not do everything within your power to take advantage of them?

8--A LISTENING EAR

Zip your lip, open your ears, pay attention and don't freak out!! We humans have a tendency to talk first, listen later. Our teens often need us to do the opposite. If you will take time to listen to your teen (when things are winding down at the end of the day is a good time), you might just hear some really important stuff. And, if he knows he can talk without a harsh reaction, he just might tell you more than he thought he would! This will help you build a lasting relationship with him and open the door for you to give your valuable input into his life.

7--DISCIPLINE

Discipline is not a bad word and should never be mean or harsh. Discipline is training. Training for a successful life. When your teen knows (because you have built relationship with her), that you genuinely have her best interests at heart, she will gladly accept your training, discipline, and loving correction.

Discipline is not about control simply for control's sake. We parents should understand the difference. We are helping our teens learn how to have the best lives possible, not simply trying to control them, when we discipline them. We are getting them prepared for the future.

Discipline includes both teaching and punishment. There must be consequences for bad behavior. Talking and reasoning with your teen is valuable and important, but if it is not reinforced with appropriate punishment, the chances of it changing behavior is slim -- not because your teen is a "bad kid", but because he is normal! You know what his attention span is like!

(When I was in my teens, I developed a bad habit of coming in past my curfew. My parents would be upset and we would talk it through, but they never actually punished me for it. I never lost the privilege of going out the next weekend or anything else that would have been a valuable disciplinary tool for them. Thus, I never conquered the problem and it led to other negative issues in my life. Consequences should always go hand-in hand with teaching. Teens need that reinforcement.)

more to come...

c2010 Lorenda Houston

brrr...

2010-01-07T13:23:00.006-07:00

Wow, what a difference a day can make in the desert! A cold wind blew in last night and now it's a brisk 39 degrees (F)! Still beautiful, though -- just put that heavy jacket back on.

a little too cold?
just button up tight!
who knows? it might...
just change tonight!

;-)

c2010 Lorenda Houston

Take a deep breath!

2010-01-06T16:24:00.009-07:00

What a beautiful day! January in El Paso...sunny, 56 degrees (F), no wind... Wow, these are the days that make me love the desert! Well, actually, I love the desert no matter the weather, even the wind. It is the kind of day, though, that makes me happy to be alive.

I watch my big, gray cat rolling around in the sun-warmed dirt outside and wish for a moment that I was a cat. I watch my little white dog running around excitedly sniffing in and around the mounds covering our three acres and think what fun it must be to be a dog!

Mostly, though, I'm happy to be breathing in and out on this day, another day God has granted me life, and I wish time would slow down somehow...

Surely that must be a little of what heaven is like...finally able to truly just enjoy existence...no restraints of time...no aging, groaning, aching, moaning...no pressure, no deadlines, no negativity...

A fat, gray cat rolling around in the sun-warmed dirt...!

c2010 Lorenda Houston

potshots...

2010-01-06T10:54:00.009-07:00

n 1 : a shot taken from ambush or at a random or easy target 2 : a critical remark made in a random or sporadic manner

There will always be people around who take potshots at you. Especially the more success you have. As you take hold of your life and begin to live a life of progress rather than regress, someone will always be there to say, "Well I know something about him..." or "I don't like this about her..." Spreading rumors or even just planting a seed of doubt into someone's mind about someone else is the easiest thing in the world to do. That's why it gives that sensation of accomplishment to the speaker, twisted though it may be. It suddenly turns a conversation from being positive about someone else to, "Hey, look at me, I'm here! Notice me!" The information shared may even be truth or, more often, half-truth, but the motivation of the speaker is always negative.

You know the best response to potshots? Ignore them. Yes, easy to say, much, much harder to do. If you ignore them, you don't fan the flames, you don't empower them; you rise above their ridiculous behavior. So hard to do when lies are being said about you, but you could never control all the things people say anyway, so why try? Here is a simple formula for dealing with potshots of all kinds...

.....

1. Ignore them.

Have whatever private reaction you may need -- a burst of anger, a good cry -- but, let it end with a quick prayer for strength and then, let it go.

2. Always acknowledge your humanity.

You know you're not perfect. You're not even trying to be perfect. So, in your everyday goings-on, be quick to acknowledge the truth about yourself: you struggle, you fight insecurities, you cry, you experience loss, you experience remorse, you make mistakes. None of us has anything to boast about. Our success is all thanks to God. You are simply living life the best you can under His authority.

3. Continually humble yourself before God.

Humility is one of the corner posts of a truly "Christian" life. The Bible is full of references to humility and the follies of arrogance. There is a scathing passage in Matthew 23 where Jesus addresses this topic. I kindof envision verses 11 and 12 in flashing neon!: "The greatest among you must be a servant. But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." (NLT) James 4:10 says, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor." (NLT) If you will continually humble yourself before God, he will take care of everything else.

4. Stay on course.

When you have humbled yourself before God, you can be sure of what you are doing. I love Proverbs 4:25-27: "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." (NIV)

And, finally: 5. Don't take potshots at other people!

Matthew 7:12 always applies: "Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets." (NLT) We should be careful that the bad behavior of others doesn't influence us in any way to stoop to their level. Our natural reaction when we hear of potshots taken at us is to firstly, defend ourselves and secondly, react in response -- which often is to say something bad about them. Fight the "natural" reaction and do the right thing instead.

.....

Potshots are just that -- potshots!

--Stupid, easy, elementary, cowardly, snarky comments intended to bring you down to the level of the speaker -- who is motivated by jealousy, envy, self-centeredness, arrogance, laziness, or most simply, just plain-old meanness. It's one of the truly ugly sides to humanity, but see it for what it is and don't let it affect you in any way!

c2010 Lorenda Houston

Safe?

2010-01-01T17:49:00.004-07:00

"Have a Safe Holiday"

I saw it as I was driving home just now. I understand what we mean when we say it, but is a "safe" holiday what any of us really wants? ...or a "safe" anything? We were made to be passionate, wild, expressive... We want to be excited, stimulated, exhilarated...! None of that is safe.

You know... God is not "safe".

I mean, of course we are safe with God -- as in "protected", "secure", "not in danger"; but "safe" -- as in "coloring within the lines" -- God is certainly not! God is passionate...!...wild...!...expressive...! He breaks out of every box religion tries to put him in; he defies every explanation the skeptic tries to present; and, just when you think you have him figured out, he does something that completely blows your mind! Jesus, who was God wrapped in human flesh, was the ultimate rebel. He surprised EVERYONE. No one could figure him out. What they thought he would do, he didn't, and what they thought he wouldn't do, he did. His ultimate act of love and sacrifice showed the level to which he would not "play it safe".

Religion is man's effort to understand God. Religion tends to "clean things up". Religion tends to try to get everyone to play it safe. "Okay, here is what I think is the important stuff in the Bible... If everyone would follow God the way I think they should, we wouldn't have all the problems we have... If everyone would just listen to me...." The thing is, we were all made in God's image -- with that wild, passionate, expressive nature. No one can box in humanity -- as much as many have tried -- just as no one can box in God.

There is, however, a difference between safe and reckless. God is not reckless. Too many times I've seen parents try to keep the "wild side" -- the desire to explore, discover, question -- of their children so controlled that in the end, those kids become completely reckless in their behaviors and with their choices and decisions. Whereas, if we give our children safe (as in "secure", "protected", "not in danger") boundaries in which to be wild (expressive, passionate, unique), might they be more likely to discover their true identities and passions? If we parents are too controlling, our kids will find unhealthy ways to express their wildness. Junior High is when this can become a serious problem: smoking, cursing, doing drugs, drinking alcohol, experimenting sexually -- all unhealthy expressions of wildness. Those things stunt our growth and too many times, stop us from discovering who we were really meant to be. How many drug addicts and alcoholics started participating in those addictive behaviors at junior high age and got stuck there, never fully able to discover who they were meant to be? And, one reason we engage in those behaviors is because we are wild, we are rebels, we don't want to be boxed in. But, just like all of Satan's cheap substitutes, those things end up robbing us of the true wildness God created us for!

Recklessness is destructive, but wildness is actually constructive! Trying to figure that out and find that balance has definitely been a lifelong struggle for me, but I've really come to understand that, just as we can't tame God, we shouldn't try to tame our wild hearts. Instead, remember the boundaries we do need in order to prevent recklessness and cultivate wildness are found in the principles of God's Word, the Bible -- the wildest book you could ever base your life on -- the guide to not playing it safe!

So, yeah, I want to have a safe holiday. Just not a safe one. :-)

c2010 Lorenda Houston

out with the old... in with the new...

2009-12-29T22:35:00.009-07:00

We humans are creatures of habit. It's easy to develop habits, hard to break them. The thought of change might excite us, yet still we complain about it and typically try to avoid it at all cost. Habit feels safe -- even destructive habit. Take the alcoholic, for instance. Everyone else can see him destroying himself, yet he feels "safe" in his habit. Habit provides a sort of reassuring numbness, an easy, "dumbed-down" version of life, so to speak. Habit, of course, is not always a bad thing (I'm quite contented to live in my house for many years to come), but too many times, it drains us of passion and energy, seemingly sucking our souls away...slowly, but surely.

I find that I fight against change -- sub-consciously and consciously -- as much as the next person, but inevitably, God wins. And God is always about change. I look back at some of the crucial decisions in my life and can see how I was fighting against God simply because he wanted change in me, and I was finding the change to be so painful. Still, in my heart, my desire to do God's will and not mine, my acknowledgment of his lordship in my life, my surrender to following him no matter the cost allowed him to continue bringing about change. It's crazy to look back now and see how the change/changes were so vitally critical to my growth and how much better my life is now because of them. Simply put -- God's way is always the best way. If only we could truly live by Proverbs 3...
¹ My child, never forget the things I have taught you.
Store my commands in your heart.
² If you do this, you will live many years,
and your life will be satisfying.
³ Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!
Tie them around your neck as a reminder.
Write them deep within your heart.
⁴ Then you will find favor with both God and people,
and you will earn a good reputation.

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
⁶ Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.

⁷ Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom.
Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
⁸ Then you will have healing for your body
and strength for your bones.

⁹ Honor the Lord with your wealth
and with the best part of everything you produce.
¹⁰ Then he will fill your barns with grain,
and your vats will overflow with good wine.

¹¹ My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline,
and don’t be upset when he corrects you.
¹² For the Lord corrects those he loves,
just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.

¹³ Joyful is the person who finds wisdom,
the one who gains understanding.
¹⁴ For wisdom is more profitable than silver,
and her wages are better than gold.
¹⁵ Wisdom is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.
¹⁶ She offers you long life in her right hand,
and riches and honor in her left.
¹⁷ She will guide you down delightful paths;
all her ways are satisfying.
¹⁸ Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
happy are those who hold her tightly.

¹⁹ By wisdom the Lord founded the earth;
by understanding he created the heavens.
²⁰ By his knowledge the deep fountains of the earth burst forth,
and the dew settles beneath the night sky.

²¹ My child, don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment.
Hang on to them,
²² for they will refresh your soul.
They are like jewels on a necklace.
²³ They keep you safe on your way,
and your feet will not stumble.
²⁴ You can go to bed without fear;
you will lie down and sleep soundly.
²⁵ You need not be afraid of sudden disaster
or the destruction that comes upon the wicked,
²⁶ for the Lord is your security.
He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.

²⁷ Do not withhold good from those who deserve it
when it’s in your power to help them.
²⁸ If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say,
“Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.”

²⁹ Don’t plot harm against your neighbor,
for those who live nearby trust you.
³⁰ Don’t pick a fight without reason,
when no one has done you harm.

³¹ Don’t envy violent people
or copy their ways.
³² Such wicked people are detestable to the Lord,
but he offers his friendship to the godly.

³³ The Lord curses the house of the wicked,
but he blesses the home of the upright.

³⁴ The Lord mocks the mockers
but is gracious to the humble.

³⁵ The wise inherit honor,
but fools are put to shame!

Depending on "our own understanding", living lives of habit rather than trusting in what God wants to do in us or trusting in what he created us to do and be -- that's what leads to lives of turmoil and unfulfilled dreams. The next time you begin to groan due to the discomfort of change, remember to just trust in God's goodness -- that he loves you and he knows what is best for you; that he is working some kind of change in you which will lead to greater fulfillment than you could ever imagine! Get excited! God is changing you. And that is always good.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Check your ego at the door...

2009-12-21T23:14:00.009-07:00

Humility...

Practically nonexistent in our culture. I mean, the more money, cars, women, shoes, clothes, chains, grills and diamonds you have in the hip-hop world, the more you have the "right" to brag. And, you should brag. And, you're supposed to brag. And, the more you brag, the more respect you get. But, that respect is more like jealousy -- jealousy which results in "haters" or jealousy which results in people wanting to latch onto your star and use you for their own gain. Thus, the more famous you become, the less people you can trust... So, why were you bragging again??? Nothing good comes from it. Apes running around the jungle beating their breasts to outdo each other. We've come so far to have gotten nowhere...

And, before you think the hip-hop world is simply a sub-culture with extreme ways of acting-out, take a look around your world...businesses, churches, governments, schools...teachers, preachers, politicians, physicians... It's everywhere. Ego run amuck.

So, what's the big deal? What's wrong with a little ego? I mean, isn't self-confidence important? Don't we want our children to feel empowered? Don't we want them to feel they can be the "best"?

Ego and bravado are very different from self-confidence and empowerment. And, sure, Noah was the "best" vineyard grower...until his family were no longer the only ones alive on the planet after the flood! There is no such thing as the "best" singer, the "best" athlete, the "best" surgeon, the "best" pastor, the "best" artist, the "best" musician, the "best" gardener, the "best" teacher, the "best" anything... The only "best" you can strive to be is the best YOU. The only "best" I can strive to be is the best ME.

We all have abilities. Gifts. Talents. Things we can do well. Things we can do better than someone else can do them. But, we are not the only ones with those particular talents. Many people have the same talent, the same or similar ability. Some abilities even number into the thousands of people who can do them well... So, why then do we allow our egos to tell us we are in competition with one another? And, on the flip side, someone else can do some things better than we can, so why do we allow our egos to tell us we're worthless because we can't do what that person can? Take it a step further -- many people share the same talent but with differences within that talent. Why would we think ourselves better or lesser simply because our ability is different.

Take singing, for instance -- a subject close to home for me, being one of my talents. How utterly ridiculous would it be for me to believe myself the "best" singer in the world, considering people who have the ability to sing likely numbers into the millions? Conversely, how utterly ridiculous would it be for me to think I have no place to use my singing ability since there are likely millions of other people who can sing in the world? Both scenarios are ludicrous. And yet, that is what we do. In an instant, we are jealous of each other, comparing ourselves, allowing ego to control us, and in the end, to destroy our ability to use our talents in the way God intended.

God is the author of our abilities, the giver of the talents, so he must have had an intention when he gave them...

Our gifts were given to us to share with others, to bless those around us, to help someone else, to be used to make the world a better place. Our gifts were not given to us for the purpose of making us feel we are somehow better or more special than someone else.

I was not given the ability to sing because I am special in some way. I was not given the ability to sing because I "deserve" it. I was given the ability to sing so that I, along with millions of other people, could figure out ways to use it to help someone else, to bless others, to make the world a better place... There is no "good", "better", "best" on God's talent scale. It's more like -- "those who effectively share what they've been given" and "those who let ego render useless what they've been given".

If anyone was the "best", it was Jesus Christ. And he, in every way, was humble. He was born in a tiny nothing town, to a girl no one knew. There was no golden halo circling his head, no royal welcome. His birth was not announced to the leaders of the day, but instead, to those society considered the lowliest, as well as to those who were studying, questioning, searching for answers... He lived a quiet life, and when finally he did begin to show who he was to people, he never sought fame or what society considered important places of leadership. His closest followers didn't even understand his humility, for they tried to convince him he deserved to be a king on this earth. When those closest to him should have been washing the dust off his feet, as was the custom in those days, he was instead washing theirs. The ultimate leader was the ultimate servant. He who had all the talent, he who could have bragged the most, he who could have strutted around like he owned the world -- because he actually did -- he "took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being...he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross." (Philippians 2:7-8 NLT)

Humility...

Why is it so important?

Because, without humility, we cannot share our talents and bless others with them in the ways the one who gave them to us intended. Humility allows others to receive what we have to share. Humility breaks down jealousy and envy. Humility melts the hearts of those who need to receive what we have to share. And that is the point. Someone needs to be the recipient of your talent. Not so they can be amazed by how great YOU are, but so they can be amazed by how great GOD is...

Don't let your ego render you useless in God's kingdom -- a kingdom set up with an entirely different set of scales.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Back from Manila...

2009-12-02T22:14:00.005-07:00

There's nothing quite like traveling to another country on an outreach trip... The frantic days leading up to it, trying to remember everything that needs to be done, hoping nothing is forgotten... Being unsure of what to pack and how much of it... Saying goodbye to friends and family... The nervousness about the actual travel, whether by road or by air, and the weariness that sets in as the hours begin to slowly tick by... The sudden immersion into foreign surroundings and a completely different culture... The fogginess of the mind and exhaustion of the body when unable to fully catch up on sleep... Eating unfamiliar foods, sleeping in unfamiliar quarters, being taken out of your comfort zones and away from the ability to control your surroundings...

As the days go by, you find that unfamiliar places begin to burn an unmistakable map into your heart... Unfamiliar faces greet you with smiles, as you realize they have anxiously anticipated your arrival and waited with their own nervous excitement, wondering what you will think of them... Adrenaline rushes in to give you strength to push on through your weariness and give your best at each gathering, for with each set of fresh faces, the same warmth and anticipation greets you... You begin to understand that, just as they are being touched and changed by what you give, so you are being changed and touched by them...by this experience of selflessness, of willingness to roam outside of your comfort zones, of surrender to God's control rather than your own... Before you know it, you are shedding tears as you say goodbye to those you now consider a new part of your family, connected undeniably to you by the love of Jesus, by shared humanity, by shared experiences... Physically, so many miles apart, but emotionally, spiritually, connected forever...

c2009 Lorenda Houston

2009-11-18T13:57:00.013-07:00

... ... ...

Keep me on the straight and narrow
Help me not to stray
To the right or to the left
Or to the easy way

Keep me focused on the path
Just in front of me
Knowing you will lead the way
Beyond what I can't see

Keep my feet from wandering
To where my heart may lead
For my heart will deceive me
To please its selfish need

Keep me from the broad way
With its enticing lies
For despite its glitz and glitter
It will lead to my demise

Keep my mind alert and clear
Ready for your voice
Knowing that on the road ahead
Waits many a difficult choice

Keep me close to you, my Lord
My eyes fixed on your light
For then I know that I am safe
Though in the darkest night

You are my strong and mighty tower
Seeing over all
No man, no plan can stop your power
None can make you fall

You are my hope and my defender
You know everything
Your perfect love makes fear surrender
And death release its sting

You are the One, the Only God
There could never be another
The Maker, Creator, who walked the sod
Born of a virgin mother

You continue to reveal your love
To every generation
Though your throne is high above
You offer sweet salvation

Jesus, my Redeemer
Without beginning, without end
You are a humble Saviour
You are my soul's best friend

Keep me close to you, my Lord
Help me never leave your side
Help me walk the straight and narrow
And in truth and love abide

... ... ...

c2009 Lorenda Houston

If you want to change the world, start with your children...

2009-11-14T16:58:00.005-07:00

Have you ever heard someone say they want to "change the world", but when you look at their own children, you see a mess? It just doesn't fit somehow...

We all have lofty aspirations and certainly, at times, a grandiose view of what we want to accomplish in this life but that should never cloud our vision to the point we can't even see what's right in front of us. It breaks my heart when parents see their children as a liability to doing what they really want to do in life...

When God allows us the privilege of bringing children into this world, he is really giving us the greatest opportunity to "change the world" we could ever have. If you don't have the kind of relationship with your kids that influences change in them, how can you expect to influence change in anyone else? That should be your first clue that you need to make adjustments within yourself...and, the sooner the better.

Our kids grow up so fast, they make it glaringly obvious how fast time flies and how little time we have on this earth, so could it be that God wants to teach us something even through that?... There is too little time to waste... You don't have much time with your kids... Do your best... The moment you realize you're on the wrong path, change courses... Don't wait... Don't hesitate... Do it now!...

As we get older, we get more and more stubborn. Our children remind us we don't have all the answers and we don't have a lot of time. We need to be flexible, we need to be diligent, we need to be strong, we need to be weak...

We need to understand and respond to the fact that our children are our most foundational and important "ministry". If you want to change the world, start with the world God has so graciously given you -- the world inside your home.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

What's Your Motivation?

2009-11-11T22:52:00.004-07:00

Something which has caused me a lot of head-scratching through the years is the utter disgust many Christians seem to have for some in our society. Hatred is such a strong word, I hesitate to use it, but in my experience, it often appears to be exactly that -- sort of like "love the sinner, hate the sin" (ahem), emphasis on hate. Those I've seen most often be the sad recipients of this kind of anti-Christian, anti-Christlike behavior are homosexuals. I never understood why those having questions concerning their sexuality, those struggling within a lifestyle of homosexuality, or even those blatantly pushing homosexuality as a normal sexual practice were vilified to a degree no other "sinner" was within the Christian community and in churches at large. This vilification of one particular sin over another was so obviously unbiblical to me, as was the vilification of particular sinners over others... I mean, isn't the fact that we're all sinners on equal ground one of the most basic and foundational tenets of the Christian faith?...

Then, one day, it hit me. Fear. Those who respond with the kind of extreme disgust, anger, and near hatred I have seen far too many times in my life are motivated by fear. Fear on many different levels... Fear their young people will be influenced negatively and even, irreversibly... Fear their children might be molested... Fear that those involved in the lifestyle may not know or recognize that homosexuality is a sin... Fear that too many questions or acknowledgment of questions will lead to experimentation... Fear, perhaps even, that it might rub off on them... Fear.

Anytime I hear or think of the word fear, I immediately think of the verse in I John 4 which says, "...perfect love drives out fear..." If not fear, then love... The entire passage, from verse 7 to verse 21 lays out so beautifully the perfect love of God, how his love plays out in our lives, and consequently, how that love should be our motivation in dealing with our fellow human beings. So, instead of fear, love. Granted, I've seen people motivated by fear to make good changes, but it's never long-lasting. Love is the only foolproof method for bringing heart-change. And, only God can give us the kind of love it takes to drive out fear...

Instead of brow-beating our fellow strugglers with how bad their behavior is and how punished they are going to be for their choices, why can't we respond the way Jesus always did when dealing with sinners? He always responded with love... Love and kindness can get you where anger and judgment never will... Let love be your motivation.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

2009-11-06T01:34:00.004-07:00

fragile...

it hurts
and no one seems to notice
no one seems aware
strong
must be
for them
for me
but you know
and you see
the fragility
and you are there
and you care
and you bring back clarity
strength
from you
to me
strength in vulnerability
so i can be
all you want me to be
for them
for me

for you...

c2009 Lorenda Houston

It's more popular than Solataire...

2009-10-26T20:40:00.012-06:00

"You ruined my life!"

"I'm not happy because of you!"

The Blame Game. The most commonly played game in the world.

"If only God would..."
"If only the government would..."
"If only the church would..."
"If only my parents would..."
"If only my spouse would..."
"If only my kids would..."
"If only my friends would..."
"If only you would..."
.... "then I could..."

The fact is that until we start looking at ourselves and saying, "What can I do about this?", nothing will get better in our lives.

Instead of, "You ruined my life!", it should be, "I allowed you to create chaos in my life, and I'm not going to allow it anymore." Once we recognize our own responsibility in each situation and relationship in our lives, we can then begin to take the steps we need to take to fix things. If you feel someone is ruining your life, what can you do about it? You can remove yourself from the equation. You can't change that person, but you CAN change yourself. That realization is empowering because no longer do you need to be a victim of someone or something else.

Of course, there are too many times we enjoy being the victim. We want to blame someone else for our problems because as long as we do that, we don't have to take any action to make ourselves better. We can wallow in self-pity and point the finger at our parents, at the government, at God, at the church -- everyone but ourselves -- and feel justified in living however we please because, "It's not my fault". Sadly, when we choose to live like that, we not only hurt ourselves but everyone around us as well.

No one can change the past, but we CAN move on from here.

No one can force changes in the government, but we CAN make personal choices that will positively effect those around us and make life better.

No one can force the hand of God, but we CAN surrender our lives to him and know we are safe in his care.

No one can force change in another person, but we CAN take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions, which will bring peace in our own lives and may even bring about change in others we could never plan.

Instead of The Blame Game, how about The Change Game? How can I make changes within myself to better this situation?...

Instead of "enjoying" being the victim (which you can't really enjoy since it comes from a place of ugliness), try enjoying being empowered for a change!

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Top Ten Tips for Teens: Dating Relationships

2009-10-02T15:46:00.004-06:00

10--BE OPEN WITH YOUR PARENTS

Even if you don't have the greatest relationship with your parents, they are still your safety net. You need to talk to them about what you're feeling and thinking. You need to talk to them about what you're going through. Remember--your parents have lived through their own teen years; they've experienced many of the same things, and not really that long ago. They made mistakes, and you can learn from them. Ask them about their mistakes. Ask them what they would do differently if they could. Ask them what they did right. God gave you parents for a reason; use them to your benefit.

9--MAKE LIKE A TURTLE AND... MOOOOVE SLOOOOW...

When you are a teenager, you've got time on your side. There is no reason to try to speed through things; no reason to speed up the process... In fact, there is a reason for the process. Each step in the dating process is important. The infatuation that overtakes you when you hit puberty, ages 11-13; the up-and-down emotional roller coaster of 14-15; the more mature, yet still not ready feelings of 16-17; and finally, the understanding and depth of 18-19. Each stage is so important. We've all known people who've skipped steps and there's always something missing when they do. I want to encourage you to enjoy the age you are and the stage in which you find yourself. Slow down and relax -- two very difficult things for teens to do, but vital nonetheless!

8--CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF

Seems easy but often it isn't! Those we choose to be closest to should build us up, encourage us, make us feel better about ourselves... Of course, they should also be the ones who will be honest with us if we need correction in some area but not in a mean-spirited kind of way. In other words, the best dating relationships should certainly challenge us intellectually at times but never tear us down emotionally or psychologically.

Struggling with self-image as a teen, I fell into negative relationships quite easily. I did date someone once, though, who made me feel good about who I was as a person. He enjoyed my personality and didn't make me feel as though I should change a bunch of things about myself. He made me feel so good about myself that I knew he was the one for me, so I married him! I credit him for helping me become the person I am today.

7--DUMP SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF

If someone is constantly tearing you down, you shouldn't be with them. It's as simple as that.

I remember with sadness a relationship I had like that, and when I began dating my husband I realized even more how stupid I had been to open myself up to that kind of negativity in my life.

6--REMEMBER YOU ARE PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE

We all want a successful life, a good life, a happy life, and we have to remember that every single choice we make counts toward our future. The fact is, you take all of your past into your marriage with you. You must think beyond just today, just this relationship... Whether or not the relationship you are currently in will be your marriage relationship, every choice matters. Every choice counts for or against the success of your future marriage, your future life...

5--DON'T BECOME OBSESSED

Now, this one is very difficult! Most people I know have to work really hard at this, because once you have feelings of infatuation/love/desire for another human being, obsession is an easy next step. But, obsession is unhealthy. Obsession creates the need for everything to be perfect in order for you to enjoy life, and let's face it, nothing is ever perfect, and no person is ever perfect. We must constantly, daily, take ourselves to a place of surrender before God so that he can help us keep our feelings in control. Knowing that he is in control of our lives brings a peace that allows us to enjoy relationships in a healthy way.

4--CONTINUE TO ENJOY OTHER FRIENDSHIPS

We all want to find that one person who will provide that most fulfilling connection, so it's natural that when we do, we have a tendency to close ourselves off to everyone else. But again, this can result in unhealthy obsession. And, of course, the younger you are in your teen years, the more important it is to maintain a variety of friendships. Even though your marriage relationship will ultimately be your most important relationship, you still need more than just that one person in your life. It helps to have other friends if you have a falling-out in your dating relationship, if you break up, or simply just to help keep perspective. Part of the process of the teen years is learning to relate to other human beings of both sexes. You need a variety of people in your life to even help you learn more about yourself; to help you learn what you like and don't like in another person; to help prepare you to make that ultimate decision of who to marry.

3--HAVE FUN

We all want to have fun, and the teen years are made especially for that! This should include your dating experiences. Keep it fun, keep it light...don't get serious. You'll have plenty of time to get serious later, but the time for fun and lightness is right now. Don't date anyone who tries to take it too seriously too soon.

2--KEEP THE COOKIES IN THE COOKIE JAR...KEEP THE TREASURE IN THE TREASURE CHEST...KEEP THE CANDY LOCKED UP IN THE CANDY SHOP...KEEP THE PRIVATES PRIVATE!

This is the time for DATING. Dating does not include sex. This is not the time for having a sexual relationship. That will come later. Sex was made by God to be enjoyed at a certain stage in life, and within a certain type of relationship -- a committed, monogamous marriage relationship. Anything outside of that will never be the best it could be. That's not to say that every sexual relationship within a committed, monogamous marriage relationship is perfect, but it is within those parameters that God can best help us find the greatest fulfillment. The way God set it up is not about punishment -- it is actually about what works best for all parties concerned. You need to remember that SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE...and LOVE is what you want.

Here's a scenario for you to think about... Sex is dessert. Dessert comes after all the other good stuff on your plate. If you have dessert first, you feel sick.

God made the sexual relationship to be very special. It is not just a physical union between two people. It is your most special treasure; the most special and private part of you that you can share with another person. If you begin to share that part of you, you devalue it and yourself. If you wait to share it within the context it was intended for, you will find it to be the beautiful, cosmic, transcendent connection God created it to be. If you share it too soon, too easily, too often, you will wonder what's so special about it anyway and lose such a lovely part of the enjoyment of married life...

The point is not simply to abstain from having sex. The point is to treasure the gift of intimacy God has given you to share especially with one person and look forward to the day "the two shall become one flesh", as the Bible talks about in Genesis 2!

1--YOU CAN ALWAYS START OVER

That's the beautiful thing about God--he is always there to help us get back up after we have fallen. You don't have to make a bunch of mistakes during your teen years, but if you find that you have, you can actually learn from them and start over again. Instead of taking it further in your next relationship, you can actually back up and do it the right way next time. It is very important, also, to get help for the things you have struggled with. Talk to your parents or other responsible adults you trust and figure out how to make changes in order to prevent making the same mistakes again! It's never too late!

(message shared with the teens at zeropoint on November 10, 2009)

c2009 Lorenda Houston

burning questions must be answered...

2009-09-30T16:43:00.006-06:00

Why go to another country to help people when there is so much need right here?

Everywhere you look, there is need... The recent hail storm left families in need right here in our city. Violence and poverty just across our border leaves people in need constantly. Poor choices made by fathers and mothers leave children in need. Terrorism and war leave many countries in great need. Where there are people living, there will always be need...

So, how do we decide when to help, how to help, where to help, and who to help? Why do we reach out even though our own resources are so greatly limited much of the time? Why do we go to a country on the other side of the world when people in our own country need help right now?

It's easy for us humans to ask questions like these, but seldom do anything ourselves to tangibly help someone else. You wonder why your church won't "do something" about a need you have noticed, when the truth is, your church is constantly doing things to tangibly meet the needs of people. Perhaps you as an individual should take care of those around you instead of waiting for someone else to do it. Perhaps you as an individual should take food or clothing to someone less fortunate than you. Perhaps you as an individual should provide assistance to someone whose car or home needs repairs. Why do we allow ourselves to think "the church" should do this or that instead of realizing WE ARE THE CHURCH. YOU ARE THE CHURCH. Who represents Jesus Christ to this world? YOU. ME. WE, who call ourselves "Christians" -- Christ-followers -- do. When Jesus exhorted us to love our neighbors as ourselves, he wasn't speaking to or of an organization. He was speaking to us as individuals...

Now, when we come together and organize ourselves as a group, we can do things that would never have been possible had we remained simply individuals. We can actually go together to another country and make an impact with what God has given us to share. We can put our monies together and actually meet a much greater need than we alone could have ever met.

As leaders of an organized group of Christ-followers, Monty and I have the responsibility of deciding what tangible needs we can help meet. Besides the many and varied ways in which we tangibly reach out to those in our own city and country, we strongly believe in partnering with leaders in foreign countries who share a similar outlook on outreach and ministry. It is vital that we get to know them and are able to trust that the money we give them will be used in the most effective ways possible, and that they hold themselves to the same high ethical standards in handling donations as we do. In other words, the who, what, when and where are not just random.

We also know that we can't do everything, and we can't help everybody. We have to pick and choose based on our criteria, just as other organizations pick and choose based on their criteria. And, we are certainly not the only organized group of people trying to help other people. We are simply providing another avenue whereby YOU can get involved on a larger scale.

One of the reasons I believe every person mentally and physically able should go on an outreach trip to a foreign country at least once in their lives is because of the life change that will take place within them. Nothing impacts your life in the way a global outreach trip does. You realize how blessed you are, how much you have to give, how small your outlook on life typically is, how you should be less inwardly focused and more outwardly focused, etc., etc., etc.... One thing I know for sure -- if you leave your comfort zone and go on a trip such as this, you will see the world in such a different light that you will become more aware of the needs that surround you every day and more likely to do something about them.

Another reason I believe in involving yourself in a global outreach trip is simply because it is a good thing to do. It is a right thing to do. And, the more right activities we can stack up in our lives, the better!

And, of course, I believe in global outreach trips because they are a tangible, literal, physical way to help someone else. When you are surrounded by people who can't believe you would come from the other side of the world just to meet them, just to help them, just to love them, the look in their eyes is undeniable. There is no greater reward.

Why go? I have all the reasons I need...

c2009 Lorenda Houston

manila city jail...

2009-09-23T22:59:00.005-06:00

We are driving through the city, bumper-to-one-inch-away-bumper, as usual...turning to the right, to the left, in what seems to me to be an impossible maze...finally reaching our destination -- the Manila City Jail. As we approach the entryway, which is only wide enough for our vehicle to squeeze into, I am instructed to put away all my valuables, including my camera, as photography is not allowed on the inside. Lyn informs me that the officials don't want anyone in the outside world knowing how bad the living conditions are for the inmates... Thankfully, my battle with claustrophobia has lessened as the days have passed. Still, however, there is a mental struggle as the gate opens before us and we slowly drive through. I just know, though, that this is an experience I want to have before we leave the Philippines.

We drive into an open-air courtyard-type of area where we get out of the van and leave our things locked inside. We proceed into a walkway off to the side where we all receive the official ink stamp on our arms insuring we will be able to leave the prison once we have finished our meeting. Nervous laughter trickles through the group as some get their Bibles stamped as well.

A variety of smells waft through the air, some pungent enough to make me work to maintain a pleasant facial expression. We pass food being cooked, even flowers and vines growing up and around the concrete walls. I don't see any locked cells...everything is open to the sky. Men are staring wide-eyed as we begin to walk toward the living quarters, some smiling and saying hello, others simply looking. Up ahead is what appears to be some sort of concrete structure, open on both ends, but enclosed on the sides and roof. As we walk through, we see both sides are filled with men lying down in small square openings in the concrete. They seem to me to be no more than 3 or 4 feet wide, but many contain 4 men lying side by side in what looks like concrete coffins stacked ten high... Apparently this is where the prisoners sleep.

As we walk back into the open, more and more men are gathering to watch us pass. Slowly, I become aware of noise somewhere up ahead. With each footstep, it grows. Men have been joining us in our walk along the way, until we all finally reach a flight of narrow, steep concrete stairs. I realize the noise is men singing... One by one, we carefully begin climbing the stairs. The singing gets louder and louder. Finally, I reach out and grasp Monty's hand, and he pulls me up the last stair. I lift my head and look out onto a sea of faces -- men smiling, clapping, dancing, and singing at the tops of their lungs!

The room is open on all sides, with a metal roof, still almost stiflingly hot, but I know in an instant that I am with brothers in Christ...and that right here, in the Manila City Jail, men have found a place of freedom in Jesus that many who call themselves "Christian" never know. Monty and I are both immediately overwhelmed with emotion and can't stop the tears from flowing. Never in my life have I seen men so filled with exuberant expressions of heartfelt praise to God. This is what these men are living for. This is what brings them hope. This is what brings them peace. They have nothing to hide, for they have already lost everything, but their souls have found true freedom. One small old man moves out from the crowd into the opening at the front and begins to -- how can I put this? -- dance a jig! He dances in his own unique fashion, with a smile on his toothless face, expressing the joy he feels in his heart in the most palpable way, slowly fading back into the crowd as the song dies down.

As the team leading the music -- all prisoners who have risen to a place of spiritual leadership under Lyn's tutelage -- begins to lead another song, I look across the room and see a man I noticed when we first walked into the prison. He was a tough, hard-looking younger man, quite muscular in build, with a sharp look in his eye and very little clothing on his body. Frankly, he had frightened me a little... He was one who had walked with us toward the gathering-place, and now, as I noticed him again, I saw his arms raised toward the sky and his mouth opened wide in song. His eyes had a look of utter adoration as he lifted them toward the heavens. I knew I had nothing to fear from this man, my brother...

The first song had been in Tagalog, the native Filipino tongue, but this one was in English, and as they began, I felt a fresh wave of emotion... "This is my desire...to honor you...Lord, with all my heart, I worship you..." Then, as the voices crescendoed to the chorus, I felt my heart beat hard as tears coursed unfettered down my cheeks -- "Lord, I give you my heart, I give you my soul...I live for you alone...every breath that I take, every moment I'm awake...Lord, have your way in me..." Never before or after have I heard anything that rocked me to the core of my being like that did. Maybe that's not how a heavenly, angelic choir sounds, but it sure defines for me what a choir of lost souls who have been found sounds like! I will never forget it...

The church could only meet for about 45 minutes, so as much as I would have enjoyed several more songs, we had to move on quickly. Lyn greeted the men and gave them some words of encouragement, then introduced me. As I rose to sing, I felt my heart in my throat. What did I have to give to these men, captives in a miserable jail, so far from the riches and freedoms we take for granted in America...? Then I felt it -- "Give them your best..." And I began to tell them that we are family; they are my brothers in Jesus, and they have family at a place called LIFEchurch in El Paso, Texas. They are not alone. As I opened my mouth to sing, I suddenly knew -- "This is the greatest audience you will ever have the privilege of singing for!" The looks on the faces of my brothers in that prison as I began singing, "Don't let go... Don't give up...", is a treasure I will hold close to my heart forever. You could have heard a pin drop in that room crowded with men. It was quite a change after all the raucous singing. The gentle, quiet presence of God filled the place and brought peace to weary souls... As soon as the song ended, however, the place erupted with cheers and clapping. Then they stood, and I had the grand privilege of teaching them, "Thank You For Life"!

Lyn introduced Monty, and he began to share a powerful message from the passage about the prodigal son, emphasizing again that we are all connected in God's family, and that he loves us all the same. Our time ended quickly, but the moments we shared were life-changing... Just before we left, several of the men gathered around me to learn "Thank You For Life" -- trying the catch the rhythms and playing the chords on the only guitar they had -- old and out-of-tune! I think it was even missing a string!

A part of my heart will always be there with those men -- held captive physically, but spiritually, flying free. As we left that day, I felt none of the fear and apprehension I had felt when I entered. Instead, I left knowing I had a bunch of new brothers in Jesus that I will see again...if not on this earth, definitely in heaven. And, there will be no end to the singing and dancing then!

c2009 Lorenda Houston

backward bragging rights?

2009-09-22T23:29:00.006-06:00

"My child has perfect attendance at (fill-in-the-blank) School"

I find myself surprised every time I see that bumper sticker. I can't believe someone is actually bragging about that. Don't get me wrong, I understand why it's important for kids to attend class regularly... But, some of my favorite memories as a kid are when my dad would come pick up my sisters and me early from school, and we would go to the park or somewhere fun like that and just hang out together as a family. Somewhere along the line, it feels like we've gotten things a little twisted up. It seems like school attendance has become the be-all, end-all...the best thing you can do for your child...the unpardonable sin if not adhered to. I believe in education for sure, but I'm not sure I believe school attendance is the miraculous wonder many people seem to believe it is... I actually believe the family unit is where the best things can happen in a child's life. And, I resent the way many school officials make it seem that a parent's role is secondary to the school's role in a child's life. Now, I know full well there are exceptions to that, but in my experience as a parent, I've seen far fewer exceptions than I care to admit. There is this subtle, yet pervasive, philosophy in our world that education is god, and while I believe education is vital, I also believe the scales have tilted far too heavily in that direction. My kids have been in every kind of school environment -- public and private -- but ultimately that's one reason we went the home-schooling route. I am the first to admit home-schooling can be greatly abused, just as any other form of schooling can be, but at least for us, for now, it's the best choice. I also have to laugh when someone voices concern about the "lack of socialization" for kids in home-schooling. Any sane individual would have to acknowledge that much of the "socialization" that goes on at school -- public or private -- is challenging at best, downright dangerous at worst! So, the obvious question is, do I think every child should be home-schooled? Absolutely not. I simply believe we, as parents, should be in the driver's seat when it comes to our children's educations. We should evaluate constantly what is best for our child and be willing to make changes if necessary. Sadly, much of the issue is with us as parents. We give up control too easily. Let's face it -- parenting is hard, and it's nice to have "a break" for several hours each day; not to mention, in most households both parents work. In the end, though, our kids are our responsibility, and the sooner we face that and jump into the driver's seat, the better off our society will be.

Today, when I saw the bumper sticker again, it was my least favorite of all: "My child has perfect attendance at such-and-such Pre-K". Pre-K?!?!?! All I could think was, "Poor kid...".

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Worry: Wasted Energy

2009-09-14T14:56:00.006-06:00

What are you worried about?

List your worries on paper...

Now, sit back, close your eyes, and imagine for a moment that you have no worries...everything is calm, peaceful, serene...

Look back at your list and think about what it would take to get you there -- to that place of serenity, peacefulness, calm...

What about the worries you can actually do something about? What steps could you begin taking right now to change some things that need to be changed?...some wrongs you could make right...some rifts you could mend...some bitterness you could let go of...

What about the things you can do nothing about? Imagine the worst thing that could possibly happen concerning these worries... Now, imagine nothing bad happening... What if you spend way too much time worrying and nothing bad ever happens? If something bad does come about, you will deal with it in that moment...until then, why worry?

The first step in dealing with worry is daily surrender to the lordship of Jesus in your life. When you live a surrendered life, he will be there with you through even the most difficult situations. He will never leave you alone. After taking the first, most important step, don't allow yourself to give in to a habit of worry, a lifestyle of worry...

I love the passage in Matthew 6, verses 25 through 34. Jesus had just talked about how we should view and deal with money when he begins to bring clarity concerning worry. Read through those verses as you sit and think about the part worry plays in your life, and as you read, allow God's peace to warm your heart and soul... Resolve to daily lay down your worries and live in the peace of a surrendered life...

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Racism: A Ridiculous Waste

2009-08-29T13:48:00.004-06:00

One of the most preposterous issues we humans deal with is racism. Talk about pointless! There are two aspects to racism: color and language...

Exclusivity or exclusion based on color is about the most ridiculous thing ever. Color is all about skin. And, why does it matter what is the color of one's skin? The bottom line is -- we are all shades of brown. So, in truth, we are all brown. Peel back the layer of our bodies called "skin", and we are all red. Just below the surface, we are all pink. The truth is, our skin is what makes us individual. If we weren't different shades of brown on the outside, our world would be so boring. I can't stand one skin color group referring to itself or being referred to as "of color". We are all "of color". There are no "colorless" people out there. What separates us should instead bring us together...what divides should unite. I love the tag line for Benetton clothing -- "The United Colors of Benetton"... We should all be referred to as the united colors of the world -- different shades of brown, united in our humanity.

The other aspect of racism is language, which includes ethnicity. Again, why should this difference divide us? Different languages, different ethnicities add interest to life. Sure, it can be difficult to communicate when two people speak two different languages, but not impossible. The fact is, there is more that unites us as humans than divides us, and that is where the focus should be. It disturbs me when someone of one ethnicity acts as though they are better than one of another ethnicity or one of mixed ethnicity. It absolutely shouldn't and doesn't matter.

In the end, our differences make us individual, interesting, complex, but they should never make us feel or act better or worse than anyone else. We are all members of the human race. We owe each other the same respect we desire for ourselves.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

God is not afraid of your questions...

2009-07-07T00:37:00.003-06:00

When I had this realization several years ago, it was so freeing...

Growing up as a Christian, I was often confronted with questions. And, I always felt terrible when I didn't have the answers. It seemed to me that answers were what I was supposed to have...an answer to every question, and the right answer to every question. Not only that, but whenever someone would ask a question, I felt strangely fearful, as if somehow I would be unable to defend God, and as a result of my lack, his power and greatness would be immensely diminished and the questioner would be lost forever. If I had only understood then what I understand now, I would have been appalled by the arrogance of my thinking. The fact is, God's dealings with individuals don't begin and end the moment they encounter us, and how ridiculous is it to think we should have all the answers all the time. Only God has all the answers, and he is not afraid of our questions. God is so much bigger than that. Sometimes the best answer we can give a questioning person is, "I don't know". One thing I have learned is to never underestimate an individual's need to search things out for himself, to connect with God on a personal level without always going to someone else for answers. After all, scripture does exhort us to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12)... That scripture goes on to say that it is God who works in us... God is not afraid of our questions, so why should we be afraid when others ask questions. God can handle it! HE is God. Not me. And, what a relief that is!

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Misquotes...

2009-07-04T14:33:00.005-06:00

I heard it again the other day -- "Money is the root of all evil." That is definitely one of the most misquoted Bible references of all time!

It's not money, it's the love of money.

I Timothy 6:10 says, "For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil." (NIV)

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Take a deep breath...

2009-07-03T21:43:00.008-06:00

the smell of the desert after the rain...

fresh... new... clean... fragrant...

it's the smell of hope...

just as rain comes to the desert, so god's spirit descends on our souls, bringing an internal cleansing, making everything new... fresh... fragrant...

when the spirit of god comes, there is hope.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Which are you?...

2009-06-29T21:49:00.004-06:00

There are two types of people in this world -- those who have been wronged and grow better, and those who have been wronged and grow bitter.

Let's face it: we have all been done wrong at one time or another. We can all recall mistakes our parents made while we were in their care. Who hasn't had someone they considered a friend do something or say something to betray that friendship? And, who can say they have never had someone they looked up to as a leader let them down in some way. So, no one has a corner on the "I've been hurt" market. What does set some apart from others, however, is the ways in which they deal with those hurts.

The bottom line is this: if you are one who has grown bitter over past hurts, you will make the world around you a bitter place. The bitterness inside of you will infect all those around you in one way or another. Your children will not learn how to deal with the hard knocks of life; they will feel isolated and lonely because your bitterness becomes the most important thing in your life; and, they will act out in any number of ways. Your friends and colleagues will reach out and try to help you because they will feel compassionate toward you; yet, slowly but surely, they will become disillusioned as they realize you don't really want help to change, you just want someone to pity you and allow you to wallow in your victim mentality. Instead of making you see the truth about yourself, their pulling away will only give you more ammunition for your bitterness. Your spouse will certainly grow weary of the constant struggle to pull you out of your self-made pit, causing your marriage to either slip into a mind-numbing comatose state or die altogether. You may think you have no control over your bitterness. You may think that someone else did this to you, and there is nothing you can do about it. But, you do and there is...

You can join the group of people who have been hurt, and yet somehow, have grown better. Those are the people who make the world around them a better place. They rise from the ashes of what others have done to them and prove everyone wrong. They are determined to learn from the mistakes of others instead of making those same mistakes themselves. You would almost think they actually grow stronger through times of adversity rather than weaker. Too many times we dismiss these people by saying to ourselves that they must not have had it as bad as us, when the truth is, they may have had it worse. Just like the famous R.E.M. song says, "...everybody hurts sometimes...". Nobody has the corner on that market. We all live with our own unique hurts and pains. We all have truly been a victim at some point in time -- we had no choice in that; but, freedom comes when we realize we do have a choice in what we do with our hurts and pains.

So, the question is, which group do you choose?...

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Aliens, Robots, and Zombies, Oh My!

2009-06-21T17:40:00.008-06:00

So, what is it with the human race and our never-ending fascination with aliens, robots, and zombies; as well as anything horror-related -- demons, haunted houses, sadistic murderers, little ghost girls with creepy faces and long black hair, etc., etc.?! Check out the summer movie schedule, and you'll see what I mean!

Horror...okay, I think I can understand... Maybe this is one of the ways we deal with stuff that scares us. Maybe if we put sadistic murdering in story-form, it won't happen to us...or if the story scares us enough, we won't be as frightened of real life. Demons...I get that. We all wonder what the truth is about heaven and hell and everything related to them. The Bible gives us a few thoughts but never any real concrete answers, so we constantly wonder about it all, and again, it scares us. Haunted houses and little ghost girls -- that's all that heaven and hell stuff combined with our fears about death and our unlimited imaginations taken to a whole other level!

I suppose the living dead -- zombies and the like -- is much the same as the aforementioned horror genre...I just thought it merited its own category! When I googled it (forget college, kids!...we have all the information you need), there were literally hundreds listed. One database had over 4,000! People dying, then rising to eat other people...hmmm...interesting. Wonder who first came up with that idea?!?! You know the story line. You know what's gonna happen. Yet, you are still inexplicably drawn in and curious. Will it simply be gory? Will it be gory and funny? Will it be gory, funny and silly? Will it be a total gore-fest, but with a delightfully happy outcome? Will it be a total gore-fest but with a wonderful redemption of the human race at the end? So much to explore...and so many makeup artists having the time of their lives.

Aliens... We can't discover more planets, more galaxies, more seemingly endless amounts of space of the "outer" variety without wondering, "Could there be other life out there somewhere?"... We humans are innately curious and driven by our fantasies and imaginations, so of course, it makes sense.

Robots. Robots controlled by sadistic humans. Robots controlled by humans but suddenly developing human-like abilities and taking over. Robots that take over and can never be destroyed. Scary, scary robots which must be subdued by good robots. Big, sweet robots. Big, sweet, scary-looking robots. Big, sweet, scary-looking, misunderstood robots. Poor misunderstood robots being attacked by vicious humans. Somebody stop me! I could go on like this forever!

Well, who knows all the reasons behind our fascinations with the same things over and over again? I just thought it was funny! ...and, I didn't even mention vampires, werewolves, or Frankenstein!

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Lorenda's Top Ten Tips for a Successful Marriage

2009-06-07T21:02:00.006-06:00

What is a "successful" marriage? One that simply lasts? I knew of a couple celebrating a milestone anniversary, and as I was giving the usual congrats, someone who knew them well informed me there wasn't much to congratulate because of the way the wife was mistreated through the years -- NOT a successful marriage. So, then, a successful marriage must be one that lasts AND one in which both partners are fulfilled and satisfied in every way. Well, show me a marriage like that, and I'll say you're not looking closely enough. So, what is it, then?... I guess my definition of a successful marriage is one that has some bumps and bruises, so to speak, but the husband and wife work through them...kinda like the Energizer bunny -- "takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'"...take it a step further, though, and not only do they work through hardships but they learn through them and grow constantly -- the same thing that makes a successful individual. Never stop growing and learning and never give up. With that in mind, here are my top ten tips for a successful marriage...

10. BE THE FIRST TO APOLOGIZE

Maybe you feel you did absolutely nothing to apologize for, but if you will be the one to make the first move toward reconciliation, the air will finally clear enough to at least begin productive dialogue. Remember, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger", Proverbs 15:1. Soften your heart and don't always be the one who has to have the last word. Where does that ever get us anyway?

9. COMMUNICATE

As much as we like to think we can, no one can read minds. So many things, both conscious and subconscious, play into how we act and react in any given situation, and as much as you might know about your spouse, only God knows the most intricate workings of her mind. Therefore, the only way to solve problems is by communication: opening the mouth and speaking, closing the mouth and listening. That doesn't mean that you should harangue your spouse until he talks, though! Maybe he needs a little time and space to consider what he is thinking and feeling, and that's okay. A good rule of thumb is, if you are the "talker" -- the loud one, the one who always speaks her mind -- shut up for a while; and if you are the "listener" -- the quiet one, the one who has a hard time voicing thoughts -- open your mouth and blurt things out more often. All relationships require communication in order to grow, but in long-term relationships it gets too easy to fall into the lazy rhythms of our own personalities, and that is where growth stops.

8. CREATE A LIFE APART FROM EXTENDED FAMILY

After you marry, your spouse comes first. The only exception to this rule is if you have children below the age of 18 from a previous marriage -- then, your children come first. Barring that scenerio, your spouse and your marriage should take precedence over all other extended family. That doesn't mean you shouldn't maintain relations with mom and dad, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts or uncles...it just means if you ever have to choose, it's an easy choice. Most people are at least somewhat familiar with the passage in Genesis, chapter 2, verse 24 -- "...a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh". Those few words say a lot about what marriage is meant to be. In the beginning, when God created, he didn't create mom and dad and their kids and all their extended family all at once...he created man and woman to be united as one flesh.

7. BE AFFECTIONATE

All the things we craved so much when we were dating should continue to be a part of our relationship as it ages... Hugs... Kisses... Holding hands... Basically, there was a time you couldn't keep your hands off each other, couldn't stop saying sweet things to each other, couldn't stop giving gifts, laughing, cuddling, snuggling -- why should that change?!

6. GIVE 100% OF YOURSELF 100% OF THE TIME

Marriage is the ultimate partnership. This partnership, however, is not 50-50. It's 100-100. Don't let your mind play its dirty tricks on you: "I'll do that if he'll do this," or "She never does what I want, so I'm not going to do what she wants". Try giving 100% of yourself all the time and see what happens!

5. BFFs = BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

What is your idea of a best friend? Take that and be that to your spouse. No one else should hold that most special of places. That's not to say other friendships don't have their place -- they just should never come before your most important friendship! So many people wonder why they have problems at home when they are constantly confiding in other people about their spouse and their problems instead of confiding in their spouse. It makes no sense.

4. CREATE MEMORIES

Vacations... Days off... Special date nights... Anniversary celebrations... Sweet surprises... One of the most fun things about marriage is being able to enjoy, nonstop, the company of that one you love most in life. You should be creating memories all the time. Sure, life gets mundane sometimes, but it doesn't have to be all the time. Save your money and then spend it on this most foundational relationship, and you will reap a lifetime of rewards from it. Take lots of pictures and look back to remind yourself of all the love you have shared. When times get tough, your memories can help you hang on and hold out for better times to come again.

3. FIGHT RIGHT

Any close relationship has its battles. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another". For that to happen, one must "rub" against another, which speaks of conflict. A few verses up, verse 6 says, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted...". A marriage relationship can be the best for getting rid of negative things within ourselves, but we have to be willing to "fight right" in order for that to happen. No good comes from avoiding conflict at all costs, and no good comes from constant conflict. Find yourself somewhere in the middle, and then allow your disagreements and arguments to help you evaluate yourself and become a better person. If you find that nothing is ever resolved, evaluate how you fight and do something different next time.

2. KEEP ROMANCE ALIVE

Why did you get married? Was it because you simply wanted a business partner? Was it simply because you wanted a friend? Was it only because you didn't want to live alone? Of course not! You got married because you fell in love with someone and felt you couldn't live without him, couldn't sleep without him, couldn't eat without him! You wanted to share the deepest parts of your soul with her, hold her, caress her, and share yourself in the most ultimate and binding of ways -- through a sexual relationship. Don't let that most important and foundational part of your marriage fade! It is your responsibility to fulfill your spouse sexually, and for you to find sexual fulfillment in your marriage relationship. This is the beauty of what God has granted us in marriage. Keep the romance alive, whatever it takes!

1. DIVORCE? NEVER HEARD OF IT.

Take the word "divorce" completely out of your vocabulary. Marriage is a commitment. Commitments can become burdensome at times. Commitments can feel like a drag sometimes. Commitments can take work to keep. But, marriage is a love commitment, the deepest of all commitments, and it is worth fighting for. If you throw the word "divorce" around, stop it, apologize for it, and never do it again. If you will commit yourself to your spouse as if you are "one flesh", you will find you will become a better person, as will he, and you will find the fulfillment and happiness you always dreamed marriage could provide. Commitment is not always difficult. Commitment can also bring out the very best in us and can make this life more beautiful and fulfilling in every way.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

It was a dark and stormy night...

2009-05-29T20:11:00.006-06:00

As the sun sets, I lift my eyes to the sky and see your handiwork again. The hint of rain, the movement of the clouds, the colors changing from subtle to brilliant and back to subtle again until they slowly fade into the darkness of night. The world your hands have made speaks of the fathomless creative depths of your mind. The artist looks at the sky and sees an ever-changing work of art, every moment new colors layered upon the canvas... The scientist names the formations of clouds and studies them to know their meanings, finds patterns in the stars and formulates a map of the sky... Both look up and see something different, but, are the two really so different? You have brought fulfillment to both, made both gaze in wonder, gave both something to dream about, ponder, and inspire their own creativity and passions.

We were made in your image. Is it not natural, then, that we would struggle to control our innate "god" complexes. We want to be the masters of our worlds, just as you are the master of yours. The gardener puts his seeds in the ground and carefully tends to them; feeds them, waters them, wills them to grow...he is the god of his garden! With a temperament akin to a mythological goddess, the homemaker reigns over her domain, striking fear into the hearts of any who dare challenge her domestic requirements, for she alone is ruler of her abode! How quickly we each become small gods and goddesses, fighting to control our tiny environments and struggling to make something for which we can name ourselves "CREATOR"; desperate to prove our power and sovereignty in this universe... Desperate to prove it to ourselves and everyone around us, but especially wanting to prove to you somehow that we don't need you. Being made in the image of God, everything within us wants to BE God, or at least what our finite human minds think of as "God"...bossy, judgmental, controlling, arrogant, supreme, dominating, authoritative, strong, powerful, worthy of worship, obeyed without question, and exalted above all others. Heaven forbid we actually bow down and surrender to the lordship of anyone else, least of all, to a supposed "supreme being" who is nothing like we believe a "God" should be. You have blown our minds, broken all our rules, and bled your life away just to prove your love to us. 'Tis not god-like at all!

The bigness of this universe of which we keep discovering more speaks of a God who is more vast and complex than we could ever understand, which is frustrating for us because we want to understand everything. The creatures we continue to discover in the depths of the oceans speak of a God with a store of creativity no one human could ever attain, which is madness because our arrogance screams that we must be the best at something! Instead of seeing your creation around us and trying to explain you away somehow, why can't we simply acknowledge your existence and begin to search for clues in your creation as to who you are and how you want to relate to us, if at all?...

Who can not look at an ape, for instance, and chuckle at your obvious sense of humor? Who can not laugh out loud and almost blush with embarrassment when viewing a baboon's back side? While some may try to logically explain the male peacock's plumage, others of us ladies get a good snicker watching him prance around showing off his goods, all the while knowing we are the ones who do the hard part in bearing the young! Joy, laughter, smiles...these are a part of who you are...

Who can study the complexity of the human body and not wonder at your brilliance? To experience childbirth and not acknowledge it as a massive spiritual encounter is simply dishonest. To study science and know the perfect balance in the universe which allows life to exist on Planet Earth but refuse to believe someone much greater than ourselves put it there and keeps it there is like not seeing the forest for the trees. Wisdom, knowledge, intelligence...these are a part of who you are...

Why do we fight it? Why can't we see you for who you are instead of being threatened by you? All you have done, all you have made, all you continue to do speaks of your love for us. You want us to laugh, to enjoy what you have given us, to revel in the beauty you have made... You want us to be inspired by your works and discover our own passions. You want us to look in wonder and amazement at what you have done and understand we have a place to fill and something to contribute.

As the thunder rolls and lightning sends electric branches across the sky tonight, I know I could never truly understand you, but that is okay. You show me the things about you that I need to see, you reveal yourself to me in ways my mind can understand and my heart can embrace, and I am at peace in surrender to you.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Do the next right thing...

2009-05-04T01:59:00.007-06:00

When you have really screwed things up in your life, it can be difficult to even know where to begin in order to straighten it out. You may be haunted by the twists and turns your life has taken and overwhelmed by the burden of the consequences for your actions. Often, this kind of pressure can lead to more bad decisions and more poor choices simply because the thought of making amends is so daunting. If this is the case with you, make this your mantra: DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING*.

Instead of allowing yourself to be swallowed by the enormity of your mistakes, slow down and consider your next move carefully. Slowly and steadily, do the next right thing. Make the next right choice. And before you know it, that right choice will lead to another right choice and another and another and another, until finally, you are able to deal with what might be a "huge" right choice and because of all the small steps you have taken, you will be able to do that huge right thing you never thought you'd be able to do. God will bless your life as you begin taking those steps in the right direction. You can never go wrong when you do the next right thing!

*special thanks to Stacey Justus for this insight!

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Not for the Faint-Hearted Parent...

2009-05-01T20:58:00.009-06:00

LORENDA'S TOP TEN TIPS FOR PARENTS

10--YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME

You might as well face it, parents...if you are having problems with your child, you have got to take a long, hard look at your own behaviors. I know it can be a hard pill to swallow at first, but when you embrace the fact that you are to blame for your kid's behavior problems, it's actually empowering to you. I mean, it's a relief to know there is something you can do about it...and when you begin to take the steps necessary, you will form new habits and it will quickly become second nature; therefore, making your life simpler. So, take a deep breath, sit back, and just take it... In the end, your child will have a healthier, happier life, and so will you!

What are we thinking anyway, when we bring a child into this world? That we give birth and our responsibility ends there? Proverbs 17:6 says, "Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children." Interesting twist of words there... Are you going to be the "pride" of your children??? I think maybe we too often live so fully in the frustrating moments of today that we forget these children will one day be grown, and we might actually desire a relationship with them... Perhaps even desire them to remember their youth with fondness and think of us as good, honorable parents. Let that old song, "Cat's in the Cradle" freak you out enough that you won't let it happen to you!

9--EMBRACE THE COMMITMENT WITH JOY

Every relationship is overly romanticized in the beginning. A new friendship, a new love, even a new experience with God... The same is true of having children. We're so excited at first, so enthusiastic, no one can talk us out of our euphoria at the prospect of bringing life into this world. Maybe you weren't as extreme as others, but you have to admit some "romanticization" of the idea of having a child. Then, you had that child, and sooner or later, reality set in... Maybe it was all the sleep lost during those first months... maybe it was the "terrible twos"... maybe it was the onset of puberty and you suddenly thought there was an alien in your child's body... maybe it was when your teenager's hormones began raging... We can all think of a time when the realization of the daunting task lying before us hit home. When that moment comes or comes again, stop yourself. Then, purposefully remind yourself that this child is a gift from God...a gift from God to you. Psalm 127:3 says, "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him."

Just as every relationship has a "honeymoon over" moment, so every relationship, too, has an "I choose to love" moment... We must embrace the commitment we've made -- and not begrudgingly, because our children will see through that immediately and consequently be damaged. No! Embrace the commitment with joy! Your child has the potential to bring you the greatest joy in this life. Not because he is the most handsome, the most perfect, the smartest, the most fit, the funniest, etc...no, but because he is your greatest reward from God, and you are committed to him and to the short time God has entrusted you to raise him. Once you embrace that commitment, you will often have moments of true joy as you watch this rising star living under your roof instead of the opposite: sorrow as you watch yourself raise a loser... "A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother" --Proverbs 10:1.

8--YOUR CHILD IS NOT AN ALIEN LIFE FORM

There's something about puberty that makes you wonder who took your adorable little child and replaced her with a strange alien life form. But before you go belly-aching to your friends about your horrible lot in life, think about what your poor child must be feeling. She doesn't understand what is happening to her body, much less to her mind and emotions. She suddenly feels terribly awkward and downright scared about what is going on. You must do everything within your power to put her at ease and love her through this frightening transition. This is the time when it is absolutely critical to have open lines of communication. If your child has trouble opening up to you, think about how you approach him. Do you make it easy and okay for him to say anything at all to you? Do you laugh and make fun of the things that make him feel awkward? I'm not talking about being lighthearted and having some good laughs together. I'm talking about making him feel even more stupid and awkward than he already does. You must do whatever it takes to put your child at ease so he can open up... Take him to Sonic for a coke, go for a walk with him, sit and watch her favorite tv show with her...create moments for conversation.

One of the best times for conversation with your child is at bedtime. Don't always be rushed. Take time, be patient and listen. It may even be easier for him to express himself if the light is off. Don't be quick to judge what he says. You know, James 1:19 says, "...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...", and if ever there was a time to apply this verse, it would be with your child during the puberty years! This is still your precious child -- he may just look and act a little differently now. Some huge mistakes can be made during this time...don't let that happen on your watch!

7--WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO GIVE THEM ATTENTION

Spending quality time with your kids is essential to their well-being. It's as simple as that. Take your child somewhere special with "just you" every so often -- a date with dad, a date with mom. One of the nice things about kids is that they are easily entertained. Even as they get older. If Putt-Putt or Peter Piper doesn't work anymore, go for a movie...one you can watch together and then discuss afterward. Or go to a nice restaurant, their choice.

Apart from the special times, come home from work at a decent hour. Sit on the sofa for a few minutes with your arm around your child, listening to them. Be attentive, be interested. It doesn't necessarily take a lot of time, just good quality. And then, do those really special things, like vacation every year. It is so important to create fun memories of quality family time for your kids. If you want your dog to be well-behaved, you spend time with it. How much more your kids! Don't let the routine of life dull your sensibilities toward the ones you love most.

6--DISCIPLINE IS NOT A DIRTY WORD

Discipline: On-purpose, careful, deliberate, loving training for a better life. Why do we humans always seem to function best in extremes? I guess because it's just easier to either let our kids get away with everything or to keep some semblance of control through anger. It doesn't take any thought that way -- just reaction or the lack thereof. But that is the lazy parent's way out, and believe me, you will live to regret it. The answer to controlling your child's behavior? Discipline. The Proverbs have a lot to say about this...3:11,12; 5:21-23; 10:17; 12:1; 15:5, 32; etc.... (The Proverbs are actually full of excellent instruction and practical wisdom for living.) Chapter 22, verse 6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." To me, this verse indicates the results of true discipline. If you are harsh or punitive with your child, he will not want to live in the way you have trained him when he is older. So, this speaks to what discipline is not.

If you never set any limits for your child, she will feel out-of-control, and she will then act in out-of-control ways. Discipline done right is in setting healthy boundaries for your child and then giving reasonable consequences for misbehavior. For example, a healthy boundary is a curfew; a reasonable consequence for breaking curfew is not allowing your child to go out the next weekend. You can have all the conversation you want about the infraction, but if you never provide a healthy consequence, your chances for helping your child develop healthy habits for a successful future are much less likely.

5--YOU ARE NOT ALONE (PUT GOD FIRST)

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain..." --Psalm 127. When the burden of parenting gets too heavy or the task seems too daunting, remember you don't have to do this alone. If you will surrender your life and your home to the lordship of Jesus, you will find unlimited grace and strength for each new day. Allow him to be the leader of your home, let his words guide you, and when you don't have the answers, take your family to the one who does. Teach your kids to walk with God by example. Be careful to pass on a love of God's words to your children by learning how to use them correctly yourself. God wants you to have healthy, successful family relationships. He is on your side!

4--IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE AND START OVER

Never underestimate the power of an apology. And, I don't mean a half-hearted, back-handed one -- "You know I lose my temper sometimes,"..."You know the pressure I'm under at work,"..."I'm sorry I got angry, but you shouldn't have done what you did." No, I mean a genuine, heartfelt apology. "I'm sorry, and I will do my best to do it differently next time." And, then, do it differently next time. The only thing worse than never hearing an apology is hearing one apology after another, but never seeing a change in behavior. Kids pick up on that stuff. The amazing thing about kids, though, is their ability to forgive and move on! So, realize that as a parent you must humble yourself and be quick to admit when you've blown it.

If your child always seems to have his feelings hurt around you, chances are he has good reason to. We have absolutely got to realize the power we have as parents to harm or bring good into our kids' lives. Take a hard look at yourself and see what subtle, or maybe not-so-subtle messages you are sending to your precious child.

3--WORDS MATTER

If you think you can constantly speak negative words to your child about himself and expect to get positive results, you are sadly mistaken. Even if, for some crazy reason, you don't think your daughter is beautiful...or if you think you will "spoil" your son if you compliment him -- get over it. Your daughter needs to hear words of affirmation about her physical beauty, as well as her inner beauty. In this instance, it really works -- if you say it enough, it will come true. If you build up your son with positive words, his chances are much greater of growing into a mentally healthy and confident young man. Your daughter needs to hear that she is beautiful, especially from her father. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give her. John Mayer had a song out a few years ago called "Daughters" that worded it well. Parents, you have the power to build up or tear down with your words. How could you bring that precious life into this world, and then spend all the years after speaking negativity into his soul? Many times, it's not even a deliberate thing. We simply get too busy or self-absorbed to pay attention to what we say and how we say it. We take for granted that our children are with us all the time and forget they need us to focus on them every so often. Every one of us can remember something negative that was said to us in our childhood years, or vice versa, we can remember some positive comment that did wonders for our self-esteem. Remember that as you live out life with your children, and let it inform your words on a daily basis. And don't forget the three simple words that say it all... "I love you." Say it often. Say it with conviction.

2--HUGS AND KISSES GALORE

Kids need affection. We all need affection. Maybe your mom never hugged you. Maybe your dad didn't know how to be affectionate. Don't allow your own childhood lack to keep you from giving your children what they so desperately need. Maybe you were affectionate when they were small, but now that they have reached puberty, you feel awkward. Don't let that stop you. Your child needs hugs and kisses from you, no matter what their age. Let them know you love them, not only with your words, but also with your actions!

1--LOVE CONQUERS ALL

"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs." -- Proverbs 10:12
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." -- I Peter 4:8
When you are in the middle of a dilemma concerning your kids, ask yourself what love would do. Before you do that, though, you'd better get a clear picture of what love really is. Read I Corinthians 13, study it, ask God to help you understand it and help you apply it to your parenting. In the end, love wins.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Psalm 23...

2009-04-15T16:47:00.006-06:00

Pretty much everybody knows Psalm 23, right? "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..." I mean, even those who don't know much about the Bible at all seem to be at least somewhat familiar with the words of that psalm. What's so crazy is that we can become familiar with words, even memorize them, but still not get the point. I speak from my own experience...I can't remember not knowing Psalm 23...but it wasn't until a few years ago than I began living Psalm 23... It is such a well-known passage for good reason -- it is one of the most beautiful and reassuring pieces of scripture in the entire collection, painting the picture so eloquently of Jesus as the shepherd, us as the sheep, and what exactly that means... Part of the problem is that many of us learned it or read it on a picture somewhere written in the "King James" Version of the Bible, and unless you are an expert Shakespearean translator, it simply won't have the same powerful effect as when you read and absorb it in modern-day English! Try at least the New International Version or some other wonderful modern translation and read it again...slowly this time...absorbing each phrase, contemplating the depth of meaning, and breathing in strength for a new day... "The Lord is my shepherd...I shall not be in want..."

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Worship...and other misunderstood words

2009-03-31T16:57:00.010-06:00

When did the trend toward calling the music and songs we sing in a church gathering "worship". I think it happened in the '80s... That's when I was a teenager and remember the term "praise and worship" beginning to be used in that context. Of course, now it's completely the norm. What has always been even stranger to me is how "praise songs" came to be defined as those with an upbeat tempo, while "worship songs" are slow...

First off, let me be clear, in that I am referring to praise and worship in the church sense; therefore, God is the recipient. In society at large, we often praise athletes for a job well done, we praise our children when they do well, we praise our pets when they obey, etc. We also sometimes "worship" someone we consider a hero, "worship" the almighty dollar, etc. So, these terms are used in society, but in the church culture, we have narrowed them down to something very specific and often misleading.

When a person comes to a point in his life's journey where he acknowledges the lordship of Jesus Christ in his life, a change takes place in the heart, and suddenly he has a desire to worship God. Does this mean he bursts forth into song? Could be, but most of the time, it means he begins to acknowledge the sovereignty of God in every area of his life; he has a newfound reverence for God, a newfound understanding of his smallness against God's greatness... He begins to know, often without even being told, that he must now live his life differently...no longer for his own selfish gain but for God's glory and honor... He now sees clearly that his life is important, yes, but not in the way he used to think -- how does God want to use him, what can he do to please God and bring honor to God, how can he live his life in such a way that God is lifted up and others can discover God's amazing love and mercy...? It is now all about God, and how does he, as a mere mortal, fit into the grand design... THAT is worship... Worship is more than words, more than a song. Worship is a way of life.

It's not that I think most true Christ-followers don't know this. It's more that we have allowed ourselves to follow a trend of using certain verbiage to describe things we do in a church setting. And, when we do this, we not only limit the meaning of the word "worship", but we also limit the kind of music and songs we share... As if a song's lyrical content must be expressing worship and/or praise of God in order to be shared in that particular environment. And, who, I ask respectfully, made up that arbitrary "rule"? I abhor all the unspoken, and sometimes not so unspoken, "rules" of church culture... We have made it incredibly difficult for people to respond to God, while Jesus made it so easy. So many of us look more and more like the Pharisees whom Jesus vehemently rebuked. Why do we cling so to certain things and think that if someone down the road does it differently, they are so wrong?

The passion which God has put within me as far as the music and songs we share in a church gathering goes like this:

Some of the songs we share are, lyrically, straight-up worship of God.

Some of the songs we share are, lyrically, straight-up praise for God -- his works, his power, his deliverence of us, etc., etc. (which, incidentally, has nothing to do with the tempo of the song and which, also incidentally, is the dictionary definition of a "hymn").

Some of the songs we share are, lyrically, a challenge to the listener/participant/attendee; a challenge about his lifestyle, a challenge about his choices, a challenge about his distance from God, etc.

Some of the songs we share are, lyrically, a meditation...

Some are a lamentation: an expression of sorrow or regret for something, a crying out in grief...

Some are an admission of guilt or wrong...

Some are an expression of need...

Some are a prayer...

Some are an invitation to surrender, to accept God's love, to open one's heart to something new...

Some are an expression of that surrender...

Some are an expression of realization, like the light bulb suddenly coming on...

Some are expressions from God's perspective... of his love, of his desire to live in relationship with us...

Some are upbeat and happy, some are downright heartbreaking...

And, the list goes on...

But, do you see what I'm saying? The songs we share are not confined to one specific topic. As much as this is the passion God has put within me musically-speaking, I have no issue with people who want to share songs whose lyrical content would be described strictly as "worship". The problem is, I find the opposite is too often not true. Don't judge me and my passion, just as I won't judge you and yours.

When it comes to the actual style of music played during said songs, including even those devoid of lyrics, it simply does not matter. People can get so tangled up in this point that they won't even give it a chance, which is always sad to me. Since when did music become "Christian" or "non-Christian"? Music is music, plain and simple. Music is notes and beats and sounds all mixed together to hopefully create something that will move the soul. Therefore, can we not enjoy music in a church setting simply for the sake of enjoying music, just as we would in any other setting? And, are we not free to use any style of music to accomplish our goals -- country, rock, reggae, classical, easy-listening, pop, hip-hop, r & b, alternative, screamo, surfer, techno, folk, hillbilly, good-ol' backwoods guitar-pickin' bluegrass, and any morphed style within a style, WHATEVER!?!... Why does it matter? Why do we think God cares about that or prefers a certain style over another? Do we think he actually considers one style of music more sacred than another?...

The truth of the matter is, music crosses all boundaries, defies all barriers and moves all hearts in a way nothing else can. Music is so powerful that we should use it to the fullest extent in our church settings to melt the heart of the listener and hopefully make a way for truth to enter. Music calms the angry beast, soothes the panic-stricken heart, and expresses emotion in a way mere words or images alone cannot.

One of my favorite things to do in a church gathering is to share a song from mainstream radio. Of course, the lyrical content is the important thing, not the person who sings it on the radio. Many songs written to a loved one can easily be understood as directed to or about God; many are even written by people who are expressing something to or about God, but simply are played on mainstream radio instead of radio that is directed specifically toward a "Christian" audience. And, many songs written from a godless perspective are some of the best to describe the human quest for peace, love and happiness, as well as raising questions we all have about life. Why should it matter who wrote the song? ...if he is labeled a Christian or non-Christian? And, frankly, only God knows the heart of each individual anyway... How great it is for our kids to hear one of these songs on mainstream radio and think back to when they heard it in a church gathering and how it applied to their lives spiritually - they begin to hear the song in a completely different way! And how rewarding it is to take a song which may have been intended to direct a person's attention elsewhere, but used in this context, directs him to God. Isn't that just like God, anyway? To take something the devil intended for evil and use it for good?

In essence, this is simply another way we humans try to put God into a man-made box. God is bigger than all of us, and he is bigger than all of that. Just when you think you have him all packed in, he busts through the packing tape and makes a mess of everything again! And, aren't you glad, really, that we will never be able to get him all boxed up, packed in and wrapped up with a nice little bow on top?! Whatever we do, let's strive to worship God from a heart filled with wonder and honesty and openness and humility... Let's worship him with our lives. And, let's allow ourselves to shed our narrow-mindedness concerning music.

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Love!

2009-03-31T01:18:00.005-06:00

attraction
reaction
distraction

fluttering
sputtering
stuttering
muttering

excited
delighted

light-heady
palms sweaty
legs spaghetti

moony
loony
swoony

mood swings
phone rings
heart sings
sudden wings

happy
sappy
yappy

sunny
funny
honey-bunny

together
forever
no matter
the weather

c2009 Lorenda Houston

In Manila...

2009-03-29T22:49:00.004-06:00

smiles warming all the faces
traffic filling all the spaces
people crowding all the places
music wafting through the air

weather sometimes suffocating
traffic noise reverberating
sights and sounds intoxicating
constant movement here to there

on every corner a giant mall
mcdonald's and starbucks enjoyed by all
in my heart, a deepening pall
shocked by poverty everywhere

children running, playing games
different culture, different names
giant hearts, tiny frames
hopes and dreams, we all share

tiny islands, far away
you and me, a part to play
jesus' love will save the day
hope will triumph, not despair

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Can you believe what the kids nowadays are wearing???

2009-03-27T00:37:00.006-06:00

Teenagers always seem to get the short end of the stick. And it's weird because we were all once teenagers... Isn't it funny that we can so easily remember how misunderstood we were in those tumultuous years of our lives, but ask us to have compassion on the teenager standing next to us, and we freak out!?! Now, I'm not talking about ignoring unacceptable behavior, but I am talking about learning to enjoy and even value the things that make teenagers so special... Their zest for life and passionate expression of it; constant yearning for friendship and acceptance; deep desire for the love and understanding of their parents; struggle for uniqueness, individuality and identity while desperately wanting to be part of a group; hormones run amuck, emotions on a constant roller coaster ride, bodies morphing on a daily basis... Oh, the joys of teenager-hood!!! Teenagers are so much fun, and I think that's the greatest thing of all. If you can learn to have fun with them, many of the problems you fear will never even surface. If you find yourself having a lot of fears concerning your teen, you simply must take more time to be with him and listen to him... Let her talk as long as she wants to, and be slow to speak yourself. Mostly, just listen. Don't overreact to what he says, just listen. After all, isn't that what you always wanted? To be listened to... To be understood... To be loved and not feared... Listen to your teenager, laugh with your teenager, let your teenager teach you how to lighten up and enjoy life again!

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Rest...

2009-03-24T17:36:00.007-06:00

sun is shining
clouds are floating
sky is brightly blue
little bird perched
on a branch
sings a song of you

cool breeze through
the open door
softly wafting in
lovely day
no sign of grey
ready to begin

in the air
hope is there
floating on the breeze
bird takes flight
now out of sight
up above the trees

all alone
no one around
drinking in the day
soaking in
the lovely sun
watching lizards play

simple things
surround me here
in this quiet place
i gather strength
as i rest
in your arms of grace

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Discipline, good...Anger, bad...! (spoken in a Frankenstein voice)

2009-03-21T14:12:00.009-06:00

Do you find yourself angry with your kids a lot? Angry they are late for curfew?... Angry they won't clean their rooms?... Angry they won't take "no" for an answer?... Angry they don't seem to understand where you're coming from?... Angry they won't pick up after themselves?... Angry, angry, angry...!

Say this out loud to yourself -- "My anger toward my children is simply a reflection of my poor parenting."

Now, before you get angry with me...(!)... Let me tell you, the moment I had this epiphany, it changed my relationship with my kids forever. Yes, I used this on myself and with great success! Too often, we older humans (adults) think our anger is what will change our child's behaviors -- if we are just stern enough... or serious enough... or, if that doesn't work; if we just beg and plead our case enough -- our child will understand, respond and discontinue his inappropriate behavior. Actually, most often, we just don't take the time to even think through what we're doing. We simply respond from habit -- a huge part of the problem. What is wrong with us parents that we don't place the highest priority on our relationships with our children??? How many songs have been sung, tears have been shed, and lives utterly destroyed because a parent did not embrace his most important role in life?...

Anger does not work; consequences do. Think for a moment: Who is allowing your child to misbehave? Who is allowing your child to respond inappropriately when told what to do? Who is allowing your child to come in late?...leave his trash scattered on the floor?...talk back to his parent?...(insert what peeves you the most here)... Replace the word "allowing" with the word "enabling" -- same thing. You are allowing bad behaviors; therefore, you are enabling those bad behaviors. Take it to its ultimate end -- you are actually teaching your child to act in ways which make you angry! Crazy, huh?! Why would you punish yourself like that?!?!

Try this... Next time you give your child instruction to clean his room, tell him if he doesn't do it in an allotted amount of time, he will lose television privileges for that night. If he is a teenager, he will lose his ipod (or cell phone...or computer privileges...or whatever will be most effective) for that night -- not for a week or a month (punishment must fit crime), but for a night. And, do not be angry while saying it!! And, do not get angry if he doesn't do it -- simply apply the consequence.

If you want to have a long, healthy, happy relationship with your children, learn to discipline the right way -- without anger, with consequences which fit the disobedience, and of course, with lots of hugs and kisses and positive statements! Your child loves you and wants you to be pleased with him, so just accept the blame right now for his bad behavior by realizing it is a result of your bad behavior, and start fixing it today!! If you will be consistent, you will be absolutely amazed with the results...

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Memories... the good, the bad and the ugly

2009-03-21T00:48:00.006-06:00

We all have painful memories...and memories are a very personal thing. In a family unit, for instance, one sibling will remember different things than another. Or, if a memory is shared, it will be remembered in a different way based on the personality of each sibling involved. Events of the past are recalled at family gatherings and everyone begins to argue, never considering that each person has valid points because of how they personally experienced the events. A lot of relational healing could take place if we would try harder to listen... understand... and validate our loved one's memories as their own unique experiences. It's easy to get so self-absorbed that we begin thinking everyone else thinks like us and feels things in the same way, which couldn't be further from the truth. One sibling may remember his father's correction as harsh and uncaring while another thinks dad was just a strong, but loving disciplinarian. Still another may think his brother -- not dad -- was the problem, being rebellious and difficult to control. All lived in the same household, shared the same events, but remember them in their own unique ways. You may have a memory to which you have clung, waiting for an apology, when all the while, your parent has no recollection of the event at all. The bottom line is, we each have to work through our own memories in order to get to a place of acceptance and forgiveness, while showing patience and understanding to our family members as they work through their own. Remember -- their are no perfect people -- parents included...siblings as well... And, don't forget... yourself!! :-)

c2009 Lorenda Houston

What doesn't kill you...

2009-03-20T15:21:00.003-06:00

makes you stronger... right?

Thinking about it the other day, I realized it could go one of two ways, actually.

Stronger, yes, definitely.

Or... stranger...!

I guess it's a personal choice really... :-)

c2009 Lorenda Houston

It says WHAT??!?!...

2009-03-18T23:17:00.001-06:00

Are you one of those people who is offended before you even start to read the Bible? That's one of the biggest problems I see when it comes to understanding the Bible and applying it to your life. Maybe a friend shared a passage with you that was taken completely out of context, leaving you confused. Or, a sadly incompetent preacher twisted a passage to suit his own warped opinions, leaving you frustrated. But, instead of searching out the truth for yourself, you remain in a state of confusion and frustration, which leads you to feel offended by the Bible and, ultimately, by God. One very common passage of Scripture this happens with is in Ephesians, chapters 5 and 6...the passage which deals with relationships between husbands and wives, children and parents, "slaves" and "masters". Wives -- and women in general -- love to be offended when the word "submission" comes up, without ever realizing the full context and meaning of the passage. Did you know the instructions to husbands which follow are at least three times as long as the teaching to wives???...and when fully understood and practiced, bring a safety and security, i.e., a "true love forever" environment under which any sane woman would thrive and to which she would joyfully "submit"??? Let me tell ya, any husband who understands the instructions written to him would never ever act as if he were the boss and his wife the employee! Parents love to pull out the old, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right..." passage without ever reading far enough to see, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children..."! We get it all wrong when we read the Bible with offense, pre-conceived notions, twisted references, and misinformation blinding our eyes, clouding our minds, and blocking our hearts. Next time you open your Bible, I challenge you to ask God to help you remove all those roadblocks. I guarantee you will begin to know the truth and it will set you free! I know it has me!

c2009 Lorenda Houston

Enhancement or Entrapment?...

2009-03-18T00:39:00.001-06:00

The other day I saw a bumper sticker for a nationally-known makeup company which had as its tag line, "enhancing the lives of women". It's not that I have anything against makeup or women who choose to wear it. I simply find it ironic that much of my experience with women who wear makeup is that they feel as though they don't look pretty without it. Rather than "enhancing" their lives, makeup seems to have them trapped. Trapped by what the world, via media, tells them they need in order to be attractive and feel better about themselves. A friend recently told me that there was a day she didn't want to put her makeup on, but when her husband saw her, he made a negative comment about how she looked...not because he is a mean person, but because he is not used to seeing her without her makeup. We've all had friends who are horribly embarrassed to be seen without their makeup, but what really takes the cake for me is when young teen girls feel as though they must wear makeup in order to be pretty. I can't help but think...well, here we go again with a whole new generation, perpetuating a lie about self-image which keeps a ridiculous amount of money flowing into the makeup industry's -- as well as all the industries' feeding into and out of it -- pockets. Sadly, so many women have believed the lies, that they are the ones pushing it onto other women! I, for one, will say till the day I die, "It's what's on the inside that counts...". Ladies, girls, females of all ages! I want to encourage you in your inner beauty! If we would spend as much time and energy on that as we do the outside, we would truly be beautiful....

c2009 Lorenda Houston